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A Brief Brief on Jake Bible Fiction

Howdy, Folks!

So some of you may have heard through my ramblings on various venues that I am now writing full time. This is most excellent. And 100% terrifying. No safety net (i.e. income) to catch me if I fail. But, as my wife and I have discussed, there is a shit ton of faith in this house! Take that however you want according to your personal philosophy, but I am a HUGE believer in the power of positive thought/prayer when it comes to getting through life. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be where I am with the amazing family I have and the amazing life I have.

But, the point of this post is to give a brief rundown of where things stand with Jake Bible Fiction. Here we go!

1. Natural Born Cyborgs- This is still happening! But due to my writing full time, I’ve had to set it off to the side so I can focus on projects that pay right now. Sorry. For those of you that have backed the project I will be sending y’all an email update with some very cool news. Very cool news. This will be WAY better than a Kickstarter or Indiegogo crowd funded project. But more on that later. Just know you will be very happy. Want in on the happiness? Then get to backing! Natural Born Cyborgs

2. The Apex Trilogy- Severed Press has done a wonderful job with the re-release of the Apex Trilogy. I know quite a few of you have asked how you can get signed copies of the new versions. I’ll be putting those back up for sale soon. The trick is international shipping. I don’t want to gouge folks, but then again I can’t take a loss on the sale in order to keep shipping costs down. If you are outside the US and still want copies, just know that the shipping will cost as much as the books. Sorry.

3. Audiobooks- Speaking of the Apex Trilogy, I do plan on re-recording the entire series and producing and releasing them as audiobooks. For those that have been waiting on Metal and Ash this is good news. Soon your earholes will be assaulted by the finale in the series. And by soon I mean…sometime in the future. You all know I quit podcasting my novels because of the intense amount of time it takes to put it all together. Same time issue with audiobooks. I have a couple projects I have to finish before I can sit down in front of the mic. But that time will come!

4. New Projects- While I can’t really talk about all the new projects I have in the works, the one I can talk about is my new straight up zombie series: Z-Burbia! I just sent in the manuscript to Severed Press and hopefully we’ll see a release in the next couple months. This is not a genre mash up. This is old school, Romero-esque zombies. The setting is in a subdivision just outside Asheville, NC. Write what you know! There is plenty of action, gore, zombies, and my personal favorite, CANNIBALS! Man, I do love me some cannibals. I should think of doing just a cannibal series. Hmmm… Anyhoo, you all will love this. I think the snark level I bring to this novel is my highest yet. How can you set the zombie apocalypse in a subdivision without some serious satire? You can’t!

5. Little Dead Man- I am bringing this novel up because it is getting close to Halloween. And this would make the perfect Halloween gift for your zombie loving teen or for yourself! What? You don’t give out Halloween gifts? For shame, people. For. Shame. Here’s the thing about Little Dead Man: it’s a freaking great novel. I have heard nothing but great feedback on this guy. It is the novel that got me a literary agent, folks. Worried because it’s YA that it won’t be your cup of tea? Don’t be! It has all of the Jake Bible elements! Zombies, cannibals, arena battles to the death (TO THE DEATH!), scavengers, mystery, action action action, shotguns, cannibals (yes, I said it twice), and, most of all, the completely original idea of having the protagonists be conjoined twins! One is a full grown seventeen year old boy, the other is his undead infant brother attached to the top of his spine! COME ON! That’s gold, people! So check it out, buy it, read it, love it! I know you will!

6. Cons- I plan on doing way more cons in 2014. Do you have a local one you like? Then send them my info! While I want to do more cons, they can be expensive. Right now I am looking at cons that invite me as a guest. This helps with expenses considerably. So go bug your local con and tell them they need some Jake Bible tainting their convention floor. I’d love to be able to meet more of you in person!

7. The Future- The future is good for Jake Bible Fiction. Audiobooks, a new series (maybe more), possibly getting into the gaming industry, Natural Born Cyborgs, and so much more! I am truly honored and blessed to be where I am right now. I have each and every one of you to thank for this. Couldn’t be here without you. So reach out, let me know what’s on your mind, what you like about Jake Bible Fiction and what you don’t, let me know what you’d like to see more of. Let’s chat. I know there are writers out there that aren’t very accessible, but I’m not one of those. You want to talk? I’m sitting right here in my captain’s chair at my desk. No, seriously, I have a captains chair. I dig it very much. Email, comment, tweet, FB message me, post on my wall, send carrier pigeon, whateves. I’ll be waiting!

That’s about it, folks. There is more, but I wanted to get this out there so y’all know what is going on. I’ll certainly try to keep the updates coming more frequently. But let’s not make this a one way street. Reach out if you want. I’m here.

Chat soon.

Cheers!

-Jake

Jake on The Funky Werepig!

Hey, y’all!

Here is an interview I did on The Funky Werepig bat the end of July. It was a blast so have a listen!

Cheers!

The Funky Werepig- Jake Bible

It will also be in my iTunes feed, so be sure to subscribe there. “What?”, you ask, “But you stopped podcasting. ” Never say never people. Never say never…

Friday Night Drabble Party and The Funky Werepig

Hello!

It’s time for another Friday Night Drabble Party! The Party where you get free -YES, FREE!- 100 word fiction!

And that’s not all there is tonight! In about two hours (9pm eastern time) I’ll be on The Funky Werepig! Mr. Gregory Hall will interview the shit out of me! Not literally. Gross. So tune in at 9pm for The Funky Werepig and all the shenanigans that will ensue! Click here for info and links! CLICK HERE! Then come on back and read ya some drabbly goodness!

Now, on to the drabble!

Enjoy!

***

Blue Lightning
By
Jake Bible

“More!” the doctor screamed. “I need more power!”

“I’ve given it all there is, Master!” Iggy yelled from his perch amid a thousand switches and transformers, all arcing blue lightning from coil to coil. “We’re at full power!”

“Damn him!” the doctor swore. “He’s sucking it up like Kool-Aid! The abomination won’t die!”

“Don’t you want him to live, Master?” Iggy asked, licking his fingers after a nasty shock.

“No!” the doctor replied. “Then he’ll be free to think on his own!”

“And we can’t have that,” I grinned as I finally broke loose. “No, can’t have that at all.”

***

Cheers!

Disclaimer: It’s alive!

It’s Okay To Have Fun Just Because!!!

Howdy!

I am essentially hedonistic in nature. I’ll admit that. Basically, if it isn’t fun I’m not going to do it (excluding the life necessities that keep my family alive and stuff like that.)

But, due to the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SEASON OF GIANT BLOCKBUSTER FILMS, there are a lot of people on the MIGHTY INTERNET that seem intent on not only having zero fun, but of mocking and shaming folks because they did have fun. It’s getting bad, people. B-A-D spells moon bad. So for today’s post I figured I’d talk about having fun for fun’s sake!

I’m also going to say something that could hurt me in the online community: I’m not a geek. Now, I am using the stereotyped geek definition here, not the carnival freak that bites the heads off chickens. I am one of those (just kidding…?). I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being a geek, not at all! Let your geek flag fly! I wouldn’t have readers or listeners without the wonderful people that have embraced my fiction. Y’all rock!

I’m also not denying I don’t have one foot firmly planted in the geek world. I’d be lying if I said that. I’d also be lying if I didn’t admit to my years of D&D and MERP late nights. Plus, my comic book collection. And, my… Hmmmm, maybe I doth protest too much? I guess I’m really saying if I found myself in a geek throwdown I’d be handed my butt in two seconds. I know a lot, but I’m just not quite obsessive enough (Obsessive? Is that the right word?) to be considered a full blown geek. What I can say with certainty is that I am not anywhere close to a specific type of geek. You know the type of geek I’m talking about: the one that has difficulty actually enjoying anything they watch/read/listen to without tearing it apart.

I just don’t get that mindset. I can’t go there.

To explain why I don’t get it, let me talk about me some more because you all want to hear about me. I know I do.

I love scifi. Always have. I love all the genres, really. From comedy (Eureka style) to full on gut gripping terror (Event Horizon), I dig it all. Of course, that doesn’t mean I can’t tell the difference between bad scifi and good scifi. Bad scifi is half of what Hollywood puts out, while good scifi is Joss Whedon, Battlestar Galactica, Orphan Black (and many others). But, I appreciate fun scifi most of all. If I am having a good time watching/reading/listening to something then that is all that matters. I do not care that the core processor being used would never be able to fire up the sub-space uberdrive’s dimensional potential because it can only process 100 TBs per millisecond. That makes no difference to me as long as the story is fun. Why doesn’t it make a difference? Because it’s science fiction! None of it is real! None of it! It’s a made-up story in a world that doesn’t exist. Even the “realistic” science-based scifi is still fiction. And all of that goes for  horror, fantasy, comic books and their adaptations on the big and small screen as well. It isn’t real and there are no rules when something isn’t real.

Of course, if something sucks (like really, really, really sucks) then it isn’t going to be fun.

Except… The cheese!

Now, I am using the cultural entertainment definition of cheese, not the dairy-based foodstuffs definition (but I do love that foodstuffs!). I am a HUGE fan of cheese! I love the “so bad, it’s good” scifi out there. I mean the SyFy channel cranks that out by the buttload and I just can’t keep up. I don’t even try anymore. One of my favorite memories of my childhood was the first time I ever saw Plan 9 From Outer Space on late night cable. Oh, the joy! It was so incredibly bad that even as a small child I could see the flaws. But, man, was it fun to watch! The horrible acting, the non-existent sets beyond cardboard and curtains, the flying saucers with the strings showing! Perfection! My son and I talk about this movie constantly with great fondness. It is a masterpiece.

Take everything I have said above and apply it to all genres and you know how I roll. I like to have fun and I refuse to pick something apart just to pick it apart. Why even watch/read/listen to anything if you aren’t even going to try to enjoy it?

This is why I doubt you will ever see me review anything or really even comment about it. I just can’t get to that place. I can have a good hearty discussion like the next person and I do have strong opinions about certain pieces of work (I can never get the two and a half hours back that I wasted watching Titanic in the theater. I still get sick to my stomach thinking about it). But, who the heck am I to say what is good and what isn’t? I’m a writer and I know how those reviews feel.

So, if you take anything from this post, let it be that it is okay to have fun! It is okay to enjoy yourself even if the movie/book/TV show/podcast isn’t perfect or as good as you thought it should be OR as good as someone else thought it should be! You don’t have to justify your enjoyment, you don’t have to worry that you will be thought less of, you don’t have to worry at all! Don’t be afraid to taste the cheese! Don’t be afraid to enjoy something without a care in the world what other people think!

Sometimes, almost ALL the time, it’s just better to have FUN for FUN’S sake!

And with that I leave you this!

Cheers!

Disclaimer: This is a generalization! I am not saying all geeks argue the details, thus ruining the entertainment value of a product. I’m just saying, well, you know what I’m saying and you know the type I’m talking about. If you don’t know what I’m saying and want to argue about this then please re-read my post. Thanks!

Friday Night Drabble Party!

While you be readin’, I’ll be grillin’! It is Friday, after all.

Welcome to the Party!

Ready for tonight’s Drabble? Yes? Then let’s jump right in!

BUT, before you do, have you read this? RIGHT HERE!

Now, on to the Drabble!

Enjoy!

***

Market Value
By
Jake Bible

The stain would never leave; not any amount of washing could remove the dark red from the carpet.

Not even removing the carpet itself.

“Interesting manifestation,” Dr. Carlmonder stated, mentioned, observed. “How soon between removal and its reappearance?”

“A day. Two at the most,” Mrs. Billwager said. “I have scrubbed and scrubbed, washed and washed, vacuumed and vacuumed. The carpet has been replaced three times this year alone. I’ll never be able to sell this house and move with this abomination appearing. It’s ruining my market value.”

“Hmmm,” Dr. Carlmonder pondered, puzzled, thought. “Have you thought about trying hardwood flooring?”

***

Cheers!

Disclaimer: Full disclosure is required in all real estate transactions.

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