It’s time for another Friday Night Drabble Party! The Party where you get free -YES, FREE!- 100 word fiction!
And that’s not all there is tonight! In about two hours (9pm eastern time) I’ll be on The Funky Werepig! Mr. Gregory Hall will interview the shit out of me! Not literally. Gross. So tune in at 9pm for The Funky Werepig and all the shenanigans that will ensue! Click here for info and links! CLICK HERE! Then come on back and read ya some drabbly goodness!
Now, on to the drabble!
Enjoy!
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Blue Lightning
By
Jake Bible
“More!” the doctor screamed. “I need more power!”
“I’ve given it all there is, Master!” Iggy yelled from his perch amid a thousand switches and transformers, all arcing blue lightning from coil to coil. “We’re at full power!”
“Damn him!” the doctor swore. “He’s sucking it up like Kool-Aid! The abomination won’t die!”
“Don’t you want him to live, Master?” Iggy asked, licking his fingers after a nasty shock.
“No!” the doctor replied. “Then he’ll be free to think on his own!”
“And we can’t have that,” I grinned as I finally broke loose. “No, can’t have that at all.”
I am essentially hedonistic in nature. I’ll admit that. Basically, if it isn’t fun I’m not going to do it (excluding the life necessities that keep my family alive and stuff like that.)
But, due to the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SEASON OF GIANT BLOCKBUSTER FILMS, there are a lot of people on the MIGHTY INTERNET that seem intent on not only having zero fun, but of mocking and shaming folks because they did have fun. It’s getting bad, people. B-A-D spells moon bad. So for today’s post I figured I’d talk about having fun for fun’s sake!
I’m also going to say something that could hurt me in the online community: I’m not a geek. Now, I am using the stereotyped geek definition here, not the carnival freak that bites the heads off chickens. I am one of those (just kidding…?). I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being a geek, not at all! Let your geek flag fly! I wouldn’t have readers or listeners without the wonderful people that have embraced my fiction. Y’all rock!
I’m also not denying I don’t have one foot firmly planted in the geek world. I’d be lying if I said that. I’d also be lying if I didn’t admit to my years of D&D and MERP late nights. Plus, my comic book collection. And, my… Hmmmm, maybe I doth protest too much? I guess I’m really saying if I found myself in a geek throwdown I’d be handed my butt in two seconds. I know a lot, but I’m just not quite obsessive enough (Obsessive? Is that the right word?) to be considered a full blown geek. What I can say with certainty is that I am not anywhere close to a specific type of geek. You know the type of geek I’m talking about: the one that has difficulty actually enjoying anything they watch/read/listen to without tearing it apart.
I just don’t get that mindset. I can’t go there.
To explain why I don’t get it, let me talk about me some more because you all want to hear about me. I know I do.
I love scifi. Always have. I love all the genres, really. From comedy (Eureka style) to full on gut gripping terror (Event Horizon), I dig it all. Of course, that doesn’t mean I can’t tell the difference between bad scifi and good scifi. Bad scifi is half of what Hollywood puts out, while good scifi is Joss Whedon, Battlestar Galactica, Orphan Black (and many others). But, I appreciate fun scifi most of all. If I am having a good time watching/reading/listening to something then that is all that matters. I do not care that the core processor being used would never be able to fire up the sub-space uberdrive’s dimensional potential because it can only process 100 TBs per millisecond. That makes no difference to me as long as the story is fun. Why doesn’t it make a difference? Because it’s science fiction! None of it is real! None of it! It’s a made-up story in a world that doesn’t exist. Even the “realistic” science-based scifi is still fiction. And all of that goes for horror, fantasy, comic books and their adaptations on the big and small screen as well. It isn’t real and there are no rules when something isn’t real.
Of course, if something sucks (like really, really, really sucks) then it isn’t going to be fun.
Except… The cheese!
Now, I am using the cultural entertainment definition of cheese, not the dairy-based foodstuffs definition (but I do love that foodstuffs!). I am a HUGE fan of cheese! I love the “so bad, it’s good” scifi out there. I mean the SyFy channel cranks that out by the buttload and I just can’t keep up. I don’t even try anymore. One of my favorite memories of my childhood was the first time I ever saw Plan 9 From Outer Space on late night cable. Oh, the joy! It was so incredibly bad that even as a small child I could see the flaws. But, man, was it fun to watch! The horrible acting, the non-existent sets beyond cardboard and curtains, the flying saucers with the strings showing! Perfection! My son and I talk about this movie constantly with great fondness. It is a masterpiece.
Take everything I have said above and apply it to all genres and you know how I roll. I like to have fun and I refuse to pick something apart just to pick it apart. Why even watch/read/listen to anything if you aren’t even going to try to enjoy it?
This is why I doubt you will ever see me review anything or really even comment about it. I just can’t get to that place. I can have a good hearty discussion like the next person and I do have strong opinions about certain pieces of work (I can never get the two and a half hours back that I wasted watching Titanic in the theater. I still get sick to my stomach thinking about it). But, who the heck am I to say what is good and what isn’t? I’m a writer and I know how those reviews feel.
So, if you take anything from this post, let it be that it is okay to have fun! It is okay to enjoy yourself even if the movie/book/TV show/podcast isn’t perfect or as good as you thought it should be OR as good as someone else thought it should be! You don’t have to justify your enjoyment, you don’t have to worry that you will be thought less of, you don’t have to worry at all! Don’t be afraid to taste the cheese! Don’t be afraid to enjoy something without a care in the world what other people think!
Sometimes, almost ALL the time, it’s just better to have FUN for FUN’S sake!
And with that I leave you this!
Cheers!
Disclaimer: This is a generalization! I am not saying all geeks argue the details, thus ruining the entertainment value of a product. I’m just saying, well, you know what I’m saying and you know the type I’m talking about. If you don’t know what I’m saying and want to argue about this then please re-read my post. Thanks!
While you be readin’, I’ll be grillin’! It is Friday, after all.
Welcome to the Party!
Ready for tonight’s Drabble? Yes? Then let’s jump right in!
BUT, before you do, have you read this? RIGHT HERE!
Now, on to the Drabble!
Enjoy!
***
Market Value
By
Jake Bible
The stain would never leave; not any amount of washing could remove the dark red from the carpet.
Not even removing the carpet itself.
“Interesting manifestation,” Dr. Carlmonder stated, mentioned, observed. “How soon between removal and its reappearance?”
“A day. Two at the most,” Mrs. Billwager said. “I have scrubbed and scrubbed, washed and washed, vacuumed and vacuumed. The carpet has been replaced three times this year alone. I’ll never be able to sell this house and move with this abomination appearing. It’s ruining my market value.”
“Hmmm,” Dr. Carlmonder pondered, puzzled, thought. “Have you thought about trying hardwood flooring?”
***
Cheers!
Disclaimer: Full disclosure is required in all real estate transactions.
There is a fine line for authors when it comes to promotion and marketing. And I wish I knew where that line is.
I am currently working out my Twitter strategy by using a program called TweetAdder. I know, I know, it is one of those programs. But it does help me a lot. I can create tweets that get sent on a regular basis and also get repeated. While for some, this may seem like that dreaded douchebaggery, for me it is essential. I have had a couple followers tell me they know I’m repeating some tweets, but the cool thing is that even a tweet I have sent out ten times still gets new responses from folks that didn’t see it before.
This is good.
Part of what Twitter is about is to strike up a conversation. Sure, I use it to promote my work, but only a small percentage of my tweets are promotion. What it’s really good for, at least for me, is connecting with fans, friends, and colleagues. But, I also have a day job and must be writing during down time, so I can’t be tweeting all day. Using something like TweetAdder lets me send out tweets and then respond and reply to anyone that replies to me. I start a conversation, and with a little monitoring in my “mentions” feed I can see if people are conversing back. It is great.
But, is it really helpful? Am I losing an audience when they see the same tweet today that they just saw two weeks ago? Am I gaining anything by automating my Twitter persona? I don’t know.
The other thing TweetAdder allows me to do is look at other authors’ follower lists and poach them. Well, not really. Ok, sort of. I am able to import those lists and start going through them and following their followers by checking out profiles and tweets. That has been a huge help! I am getting messages now from fans of mine that I started following that didn’t know I was on Twitter! Because I have gone through other authors’ lists I have been able to connect with fans that wouldn’t have discovered me on Twitter on their own.
TweetAdder also lets me go over my list of those I follow and see who I haven’t had conversations with ever/sometimes/often, as well as those I follow that aren’t active on Twitter or may be bots. (No offense to any bots reading this. I know you’re working hard to get me hard and sell me SEO services.) I haven’t really used this feature at all. I do plan on it and will be culling my list that I follow soon. My timeline is getting messy.
So why call this post Delicate Douchebaggery? Because it is the Internet and everyone has their set of rules and procedures and laws and commandments and WAYS THINGS MUST BE DONE BECAUSE THE INTERNET IS ONLY FREE IF YOU ACT EXACTLY AS A TOTAL STRANGER WANTS YOU TO.
That’s why.
While some who read this won’t give a rat’s ass made out of styrofoam, there are others that will be OFFENDED GREATLY. Which is the exact reason I am talking about this. I want it out in the open that this is how I play the Twitter game (no need to talk about the Facebook game because there isn’t one. Facebook is just necessary suckage). I use certain tools to help me maximize my Twitter use. And so far the tools work for me. They may not work for you. They may not work for Joe Hill or John Scalzi or CC Chapman or Neil Gaiman. But they work for me. And that’s what matters.
And that’s really all I have to say. So if you see a tweet that you’ve seen before then feel free to call me out on it on Twitter. I don’t mind at all. It gives me a chance to strike a conversation with you. Who knows, maybe we’ll discover we have some things in common. Or that I really am a douchebag. Or both. We’ll see.
Jake Bible lives in Asheville, NC with his wife and two kids. He is the author the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash), Bethany and the Zombie Jesus, Stark- An Illustrated Novella, and the YA horror novels Little Dead Man (November 2012) and the forthcoming Intentional Haunting (2013). Check out Friday Night Drabble Party every week! Free drabbles for all!His Twitter handle is@jakebible.
The cigarette burned until it was nothing but ash. Carlotta didn’t care, she just lit another and placed it between Dirk’s lifeless fingers.
“So, like I was saying,” Carlotta continued, far from finished with her post-assassination narrative. “It wasn’t anything personal. Just business.” The door opened and Carlotta turned to face her boss and his assistant. “He’s all yours. Don’t kill him until I’m gone.”
And she left, leaving the assistant puzzled. “Don’t kill him? The guy’s missing half his face.”
“She never admits to a job,” the boss replied. “Ever.”
The assistant shrugged and started to pour the gasoline.
***
Cheers!
Disclaimer: This drabble is not legal advice. Please seek a lawyer’s consultation for your own workplace deniability.
Jake Bible Fiction 