• Howdy!

    I am essentially hedonistic in nature. I’ll admit that. Basically, if it isn’t fun I’m not going to do it (excluding the life necessities that keep my family alive and stuff like that.)

    But, due to the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SEASON OF GIANT BLOCKBUSTER FILMS, there are a lot of people on the MIGHTY INTERNET that seem intent on not only having zero fun, but of mocking and shaming folks because they did have fun. It’s getting bad, people. B-A-D spells moon bad. So for today’s post I figured I’d talk about having fun for fun’s sake!

    I’m also going to say something that could hurt me in the online community: I’m not a geek. Now, I am using the stereotyped geek definition here, not the carnival freak that bites the heads off chickens. I am one of those (just kidding…?). I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being a geek, not at all! Let your geek flag fly! I wouldn’t have readers or listeners without the wonderful people that have embraced my fiction. Y’all rock!

    I’m also not denying I don’t have one foot firmly planted in the geek world. I’d be lying if I said that. I’d also be lying if I didn’t admit to my years of D&D and MERP late nights. Plus, my comic book collection. And, my… Hmmmm, maybe I doth protest too much? I guess I’m really saying if I found myself in a geek throwdown I’d be handed my butt in two seconds. I know a lot, but I’m just not quite obsessive enough (Obsessive? Is that the right word?) to be considered a full blown geek. What I can say with certainty is that I am not anywhere close to a specific type of geek. You know the type of geek I’m talking about: the one that has difficulty actually enjoying anything they watch/read/listen to without tearing it apart.

    I just don’t get that mindset. I can’t go there.

    To explain why I don’t get it, let me talk about me some more because you all want to hear about me. I know I do.

    I love scifi. Always have. I love all the genres, really. From comedy (Eureka style) to full on gut gripping terror (Event Horizon), I dig it all. Of course, that doesn’t mean I can’t tell the difference between bad scifi and good scifi. Bad scifi is half of what Hollywood puts out, while good scifi is Joss Whedon, Battlestar Galactica, Orphan Black (and many others). But, I appreciate fun scifi most of all. If I am having a good time watching/reading/listening to something then that is all that matters. I do not care that the core processor being used would never be able to fire up the sub-space uberdrive’s dimensional potential because it can only process 100 TBs per millisecond. That makes no difference to me as long as the story is fun. Why doesn’t it make a difference? Because it’s science fiction! None of it is real! None of it! It’s a made-up story in a world that doesn’t exist. Even the “realistic” science-based scifi is still fiction. And all of that goes for  horror, fantasy, comic books and their adaptations on the big and small screen as well. It isn’t real and there are no rules when something isn’t real.

    Of course, if something sucks (like really, really, really sucks) then it isn’t going to be fun.

    Except… The cheese!

    Now, I am using the cultural entertainment definition of cheese, not the dairy-based foodstuffs definition (but I do love that foodstuffs!). I am a HUGE fan of cheese! I love the “so bad, it’s good” scifi out there. I mean the SyFy channel cranks that out by the buttload and I just can’t keep up. I don’t even try anymore. One of my favorite memories of my childhood was the first time I ever saw Plan 9 From Outer Space on late night cable. Oh, the joy! It was so incredibly bad that even as a small child I could see the flaws. But, man, was it fun to watch! The horrible acting, the non-existent sets beyond cardboard and curtains, the flying saucers with the strings showing! Perfection! My son and I talk about this movie constantly with great fondness. It is a masterpiece.

    Take everything I have said above and apply it to all genres and you know how I roll. I like to have fun and I refuse to pick something apart just to pick it apart. Why even watch/read/listen to anything if you aren’t even going to try to enjoy it?

    This is why I doubt you will ever see me review anything or really even comment about it. I just can’t get to that place. I can have a good hearty discussion like the next person and I do have strong opinions about certain pieces of work (I can never get the two and a half hours back that I wasted watching Titanic in the theater. I still get sick to my stomach thinking about it). But, who the heck am I to say what is good and what isn’t? I’m a writer and I know how those reviews feel.

    So, if you take anything from this post, let it be that it is okay to have fun! It is okay to enjoy yourself even if the movie/book/TV show/podcast isn’t perfect or as good as you thought it should be OR as good as someone else thought it should be! You don’t have to justify your enjoyment, you don’t have to worry that you will be thought less of, you don’t have to worry at all! Don’t be afraid to taste the cheese! Don’t be afraid to enjoy something without a care in the world what other people think!

    Sometimes, almost ALL the time, it’s just better to have FUN for FUN’S sake!

    And with that I leave you this!

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: This is a generalization! I am not saying all geeks argue the details, thus ruining the entertainment value of a product. I’m just saying, well, you know what I’m saying and you know the type I’m talking about. If you don’t know what I’m saying and want to argue about this then please re-read my post. Thanks!

  • While you be readin’, I’ll be grillin’! It is Friday, after all.

    Welcome to the Party!

    Ready for tonight’s Drabble? Yes? Then let’s jump right in!

    BUT, before you do, have you read this? RIGHT HERE!

    Now, on to the Drabble!

    Enjoy!

    ***

    Market Value
    By
    Jake Bible

    The stain would never leave; not any amount of washing could remove the dark red from the carpet.

    Not even removing the carpet itself.

    “Interesting manifestation,” Dr. Carlmonder stated, mentioned, observed. “How soon between removal and its reappearance?”

    “A day. Two at the most,” Mrs. Billwager said. “I have scrubbed and scrubbed, washed and washed, vacuumed and vacuumed. The carpet has been replaced three times this year alone. I’ll never be able to sell this house and move with this abomination appearing. It’s ruining my market value.”

    “Hmmm,” Dr. Carlmonder pondered, puzzled, thought. “Have you thought about trying hardwood flooring?”

    ***

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: Full disclosure is required in all real estate transactions.

  • Okay, so maybe I haven’t had that many parts to my updates. Probably closer to 75614562354.1. But that’s just a guess.

    So, how have you been? Good, good… Me? Been fine. Been busy. Busy, busy, busy. Busy.

    Busy with what you ask? Oh, writing the comic book scripts for DEAD MECH. Writing episodes of Big Box Blood Bath for serial release soon. Finishing a novel under a pen name. And watching the progress of the pre-order of Natural Born Cyborgs.

    Have you heard of it? No? Well, here it is!

    Natural Born Cyborgs
    The techno-virus used by the Three hundreds of years ago has mutated and combined with BC (biochrome) to create a generation of natural born cyborgs- part biorganic metal, part human. Society decides these Splicers, as they are called, are too dangerous to let live and rounds them up for extermination. Those not found must hide their true natures and fight for their lives. And the lives of those yet born.
    Set in the same universe as DEAD MECH, but hundreds of years after the events in the Apex Trilogy, Natural Born Cyborgs is the first in the Splicer Wars series of novels that introduce the world to the new MechPunk style of science fiction- raw, unrelenting, brutal, and shiny.

    You like? I know ya do! I bet you wish you could read this right now! I know ya do! I KNOW EVERYTHING! Well, everything in my head. I know all of that. ALL OF THAT!

    But, seriously, how about those Pacers, eh? What? Oh, right, Natural Born Cyborgs. While I hate to take you away from this post you should click here to see what’s going on with this crazy pre-orderpalooza. Right…HERE!

    Cool, right? RIGHT?! Right…

    I have had a few pre-orders, a flurry in the beginning, but it has slacked off. So this post is for all of you folks that haven’t pre-ordered. Go pre-order. Do it now. NOW! Thanks.

    And for all of you that have already pre-ordered, here is a reminder: I don’t start writing the novel until I hit the minimum funding of $2000. We are 10% there. I know, I know, only 10%. But that’s to be expected. Hard to keep that momentum going day in and day out. That’s where I need your help, if you are so inclined. Spread the word. Tell your friends. Post on the Facebookerybookerbook. Tweet like your taint is on fire. Do all of that stuff.

    The sooner we hit $2000 in funding (like how I said ‘we’ there?) the sooner I start writing this bad boy!

    And here is the cool part: I may post rough draft samples along the way! Just some excerpts here and there to whet your whistle if your whistle needs whetting. Like this one!

    “The fire ball erupted all bout them, engulfing exposed skin in a blanket of heat and pain. The oxygen was ripped from their lungs and they lay singed and wounded on the deck of the transport car like forgotten goldfish dropped from a toddler’s hands.”

    Who is on the deck? Why is there a fireball? Who the hell lets toddlers handle goldfish? So many questions and the way to get the answers is to back Natural Born Cyborgs. So get to gettin’ to that. I promise you won’t be disappointed. I PROMISE!

    Cheers!

  • Friday! Night! Drabble! Party!

    Free 100 word fiction for your eyeholes to see and your brainpan to loooooove! LOVE THEM!

    Hey! Did you know I have more drabble goodness published? If you love the Party then you’ll love these!

    C-Notes: A Collection of 100 Drabbles

    One Foggy Night: A DEAD MECH Prequel Short

    Have a look, have a read, enjoy!

    ***

    Never Admit To A Job
    By
    Jake Bible

    The cigarette burned until it was nothing but ash. Carlotta didn’t care, she just lit another and placed it between Dirk’s lifeless fingers.

    “So, like I was saying,” Carlotta continued, far from finished with her post-assassination narrative. “It wasn’t anything personal. Just business.” The door opened and Carlotta turned to face her boss and his assistant. “He’s all yours. Don’t kill him until I’m gone.”

    And she left, leaving the assistant puzzled. “Don’t kill him? The guy’s missing half his face.”

    “She never admits to a job,” the boss replied. “Ever.”

    The assistant shrugged and started to pour the gasoline.

    ***

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: This drabble is not legal advice. Please seek a lawyer’s consultation for your own workplace deniability.

  • The very first comic book I ever owned was The Avengers #162. Who’s on the cover? Ultron, baby! I was in elementary school and I’m pretty sure my dad bought it for me while he was out on the Oregon roads selling veterinary supplies. Probably stopped in for snacks somewhere and picked it up from a revolving wire rack. I do remember having it with me when we went on a very rare family vacation to Crater Lake. So maybe I got it myself when we stopped on our way from Eugene down to Crater Lake. Doesn’t really matter.

    What does matter is I still have that comic book. In fact, I have all the comic books I collected as a kid. I was among thousands and thousands of kids in the Eighties that heard the horror stories of grandparents throwing out our parents’ comic book collections, depriving us of our multi-million dollar inheritance. Of course, just like the trillions of people that have said they attended Woodstock, the Baby Boomers all seemed to have owned the first appearances of Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, and God. But their moms tossed them in the trash.

    Despite the obvious exaggerations of a generation, there were countless comic books lost to the landfills that would collectively be worth millions today. So I kept mine. As did every other kid my age which makes those Eighties issues pretty much worthless. Sure they are worth more now than what I paid for them, but I haven’t done the inflation math to really prove that. Despite their low monetary value, they have HUGE sentimental and cultural value to me. And I wanted to share that with my kids (that I knew I would eventually have).

    I stopped collecting comic books when I hit high school. I like to say it was because I discovered girls, but I had always known about girls. The truth? I no longer had the money to buy them. I had also developed (and still struggle with today) a “completion complex”. I just made that complex up, but it does describe what I was going through. Basically, it meant I had to own every single part of a story. And since my main title I collected was The Avengers that presented a problem. Why? Because The Avengers all had their own individual titles with story lines that interwove through The Avengers story line. This meant that I had to buy at least ten different comic books titles just to have the complete story.

    Head went assplodey!

    I just couldn’t handle it so I quit altogether. I boxed up my collection and walked away. I’d be lying if I said it saved me money. I, of course, figured out new ways to spend that money. Girls are expensive.

    So there is my condensed history with comic books. And it was going to stay history except that I had kids. And kept all my comic books. AND Hollywood actually started making good comic book adaptations. AND graphic novels began to be recognized as actual literature. AND I started writing professionally.

    AND I still love comic books.

    Which leads me to the point of this post: I am getting into comic books. As in, I am writing comic book scripts.

    In order to do this I needed to read some comic books as research. I have the first few volumes of The Walking Dead (of course). I have been checking out tons of graphic novels and comic books from the library (currently ripping through the Fables volumes). Plus, my kids have started buying them. My son (14) is all about The Walking Dead. My daughter (almost 11) is into The Walking Dead, but she also loves manga and has the first three volumes of the Buffy omnibuses (omnibi?). She also digs the Amulet series and  graphic novels such as the ones by Hope Larson and Gene Yang. Except for my wife, this has become one comic book reading household.

    It took me a long time to start writing comic book scripts. Not because they are hard (they aren’t if you’ve got the pictures in your head), but because there is no industry standard script format. Take a look at scripts by Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Warren Ellis, Frank Miller, Art Spiegelman, Mike Mignola, and others and you will see a different format used. That kinda makes me a bit cooky. But I had to dive in and try.

    So I created my own format template based on Dark Horse’s format (which seemed to be a happy medium between all the formats I’d seen) and dove in. The great thing about writing a comic book script is you have no limitations. If it is in my mind then it can go on the page. Unlike, say, a screenplay which always has budget and “reality” limitations.

    I am currently adapting my first novel, DEAD MECH, into a comic book series. Not a graphic novel. No, I want it to be an ongoing series. This will allow me to expand on the story and go beyond where the novel ended. It’s pretty exciting. I also get to “fix” issues I may have with some plot points and character portrayals in the novel. Adaptations are just that: adaptations. Not a rehashing of the exact same thing. Kinda exciting. And fun.

    Getting a hang of the comic book script format has opened my eyes to the possibility of taking some of the novel ideas I’ve had and turn them into graphic novels. Which is great since I can write a twenty page script in three days whereas writing a full length novel takes months. Plus, with comic books the script is not the end result, but the beginning. There’s still all of the art to come!

    Which makes me wish I could draw. Because right now I just have words on paper and no art to go with them. I have submitted my script to several comic book publishers, but the reality of it getting picked up and produced is pretty small. Not because the script sucks, but because I’m just another writer. Most publishers, like Image or Dynamite or Top Shelf, are looking for completed team works. They want a fully realized product that they can just produce and distribute. They aren’t looking to coddle newbies through the process.

    It’s almost as bad as the world of literature publishing. Except now novelists can upload their novels to a few ebook retailers and they are in business! If my script doesn’t get picked up I can go that route also via Comixology and Amazon. Oh, wait, but I can’t draw. Bummer.

    That leaves me waiting and hoping that Dark Horse will call later today and say they LOVE my DEAD MECH script and want to publish it immediately! Or it leaves me playing with the idea of finding a team and publishing myself. It would have to be crowdfunded, of course. I don’t have a few thousand dollars hanging out. With the popularity of comic book projects on Kickstarter I think it can be done. With some serious work and planning.

    But, is that the route I want to go? Once I take that path there is no turning back. I become a comic book publisher. A creator/owner publisher, but still a publisher. Which turns my brain to the possibility of publishing other titles. Ideas I have and maybe ideas others have. Which is an exciting prospect. And one that could prove to be quite profitable if successful. If successful…

    Why even entertain the idea? Because comic books have a growing future whereas novels have an always uncertain future. Let me break it down as I see it:

    Novels are being published at a rate of five trillion every second of every day. Five trillion! (Not an actual statistic). Why so many? Because of self-publishing. Let’s forget the fact that 90% of those self-published novels are pure crap. That doesn’t matter. What does matter is that means readers have to sift through a trillion trillion trillion new novels just to find mine. Ugh. Doesn’t mean I won’t keep writing novels. Just means ugh. There is also the fact that “literature” frowns down on “genre”, which is what I write. Even my local bookstore won’t return my emails to stock my novels. Noses are up in the air. And there are hundreds (dozens now?) of bookstores run by elitist snobs that think they are the only ones that understand what a great book is. Ugh.

    Now, switch to comic books. Sure, there are a ton of self-published/indie published titles out there. And not all are good. BUT (see the huge but?) it is not so easy to self-publish a comic book as a novel these days. Even with Comixology and Amazon’s platforms, you still have to have a team. This means that the words/story/idea has to be vetted by more than just one person. When that happens quality tends to go up. Less crap to wade through and more quality to rub shoulders with. Very cool. AND comic books are all about genre! Yay for genre! DOUBLE AND comic book stores don’t stick their noses in the air! Sure, each owner has their own preference of what they like or don’t like, but that is an ongoing debate. In fact, debating the merits of one series over another is part of the comic book zeitgeist. The snobbery is inclusive, not exclusive. Even if noses do get turned up, the eyes are still watching, waiting for a response. In bookstores once the proprietor’s nose is up it is “Good day to you!” time.

    I am generalizing, of course.

    Here is the other good part of comic books: the print versions will always be available. Always. Why? Because comic book readers also tend to be comic book collectors. And they love holding those comic books in their hands so they can be carefully read once then bagged and boarded and stuck in their protective boxes. That means there is always a comic book store market to be filled as well as the new, growing online market. What the ratios end up to be is still a mystery, but I think we’ll have a picture soon. And lest we forget licensing! How many blockbuster movies have you seen or will be seeing that are comic book adaptations? Now, how many blockbusters will be novel adaptations? Unless the novel is a young adult adaptation with a strong female protagonist, and a brooding male love interest, then the movie ain’t gonna be breaking any records. Comic book adaptations not only break records, but they set records. Or die miserably (we mourn you Scott Pilgrim), it happens.

    Wow, I didn’t expect this post to go on so long. How’s about I wrap it up?

    Basically, I am saying that my love of comic books didn’t ever go away, just got put on hold. And I probably wouldn’t be reading so many now if I wasn’t writing them too. Gotta read what you write, right? I am also saying that you shouldn’t be surprised if I dive headlong into comic book publishing. Or possibly get picked up by one of the Big Guys. Who knows?

    So, there are my thoughts on comic books these days. Have any thoughts also? Share them in the comments! Want to consider being a part of a comic book team? Shoot me an email (jakebiblefiction@gmail.com). Excited about there being a DEAD MECH comic book? Let me know via email, Twitter, Facebook, or the comments below. Any and all feedback on this subject will be appreciated. I’m just getting back into comic books so other perspectives are most welcome!

    Cheers!