Attention all writers, publishers, agents, lurkers of alleyways, ditches, trenches, sewers and strip malls!

I, your benevolent colleague, have decided to start a new weekly blog post called…wait for it…wait…

Sample Saturday!

This means that if you have a sample of your novel, novella, short story, eighth grade diary, or what-the-hell-ever, then I am interested in seeing it! And posting it! For all to see and read! I like exclamation points!

Seriously, though, I want to help showcase other writers’ work. I want to be able to say, “Hey, world! I know I am the best writer you’ve ever read in the history of all history, but there are other folks that are pretty good. Pretty, pretty good.”

How can you as a writer, publisher, agent, succubi get involved? Well first, dear succubi, stop draining the men folk of their vital essence. That’s just wrong. As for the rest of you, all you have to do is shoot me the sample you want me to showcase, maybe a brief description of said sample, a short bio, and a jpeg of the cover that you want to be posted (see fine print below). Don’t have a cover yet? Then an author photo is fine. Don’t have an author photo? Then maybe a photo of your mom that one night she got really, really drunk on peach schnapps and ended up skinny dipping in the neighbor’s bird bath. Remember that night? Good times…

Just shoot all the info over to me at jakebiblefiction at gmail.com. See what I did there? I fooled the bots! I spelled out “@” so bots can’t get me! They’re everywhere, man, everywhere! They get in your mind, man! In your hair and your clothes and your My Little Pony lunchboxes! So unclean, so unclean…

Y’all excited? I should hope so! You get to be exposed to my fan base for free! But not exposed in the way your mom was that night. Sigh. Good times…

And now for the fine print!

Fine Print: Samples should be sent as epub files preferably (PDF or doc will work, though). I plan on offering the sample as a nice pdf (I can convert into that format. I’m magic!). This means any type of tech, whether smart phone, ereader or PC/Mac, can read the files. Or should be able to. Photos should be no bigger than 500×800 please and jpeg format. Keep descriptions brief and to the point, same with bios. You want people to read your samples, not get bored reading about you. No one really cares about you. Except your naked mom. Although she cares a little less when she’s sober. Sorry, I just speak the truth. AND DON”T FORGET TO INCLUDE A WEBSITE LINK OR SOMETHING SO PEOPLE CAN FIND YOU AND YOUR WORK! AND YOUR TWITTER HANDLE SO I CAN TWEET ABOUT IT AND YOU WILL KNOW!

Sorry I shouted. I just get so worked up. Feel free to email me with any questions, yo.

Word to your naked, drunk mom in the birdbath!

(Oh, and this is starting as of this Saturday, November 12th, so get a move on peoples!)