Views From The Captain’s Chair! Episode Nineteen: Crying Foul

Captains ChairBlogAhoy, Mateys!

This week’s post is a bit blue. That means there will be naughty words. You have been warned.


Fuckety fuck fuck.

Fuck fuck fucker fuck.

Yep. There be fucks in these here waters.

If you read the reviews of my novels you will quickly notice a pattern. I’m not talking about the obvious adoration of my prose and wit. No, no, I’m talking about those folks that have taken offense to my use of cursing.

While it is fucking true that I do fucking curse a whole fuckton, it should be said that every complaint against the cursing is flat out misplaced. I’m not saying people don’t have the right to be offended. I would never say that. I’m just saying that maybe, just maybe, if you don’t like the word fuck then perhaps reading post-apocalyptic horror may not be a good idea.

Because here’s the thing, folks: people curse in this world a lot right now. What the holy fucking hell do you think is going to fucking happen when the dead walk the mother fucking Earth?

I write post-apoclayptic horror as well as military scifi and military thriller/adventure novels. Horror and the military. There will be fucks. Lots and lots of fucks. The military alone is known for mouths that would burn a saint’s ears. Add in some hellish nightmare situations and what do you get? Yep. Lots and lots of fucks. That’s life. That’s reality. That’s how people talk.

Yet, I still get complaints. And I don’t understand it.

Just the other day I was with my family, just driving along down the road like we do. Pretty sure we said fuck at least a dozen times per mile. Not to mention cock, shit, pussy, cunt licker, whore bag, douche nozzle, tits, and asshole. I can guarantee that I am forgetting some choice words.

And that was just my family. On a normal day. In the car. Is it any wonder my characters are so profane? Write what you know, and all that jazz.

My novels are filled with dialogue. My characters talk. Rarely is there a scene where the characters aren’t bantering back and forth about something. And if there is banter, then there is cursing. That’s how it works. Despite my name, I don’t write Christian fiction. I am not looking to elevate the art of language. I’m looking to reflect how people speak in real life then turn it up to eleven as the danger, stress, terror, fear, violence, and mayhem gets turned up to eleven as well.

For the record, I don’t do it lightly. Every fuck is carefully placed. I wrote Dead Mech as a drabble novel. That means every single section had to be exactly 100 words. When I used the word fuck I made damn well sure it fit the scene. The dialogue had to have that perfect cadence or the words would be wasted. And when you only have 100 words per section you sure as shit don’t have room for waste.

Of course, my YA, Teen, and Middle Grade novels don’t have the f-bomb in them. I kind of wish they did, but that’s the market. I will say that I invented a euphemism for my Middle Grade horror: fruit. It’s the catchall curse word. Noun, verb, adjective, adverb. It does it all. There is a story reason the characters all use that word, but you’ll have to fruiting wait to read the books to find out why.

I’m not the only author out there known for a potty mouth, but I am one of the few that embraces my language and has zero intention of taking any of the criticism to heart. I will not change how my characters talk. If the character in real life would say fuck every third word then the fucking character in the fucking book sure as fuck is going to fucking say fuck every third fucking word. To do it differently would be dishonest.

And I may be a foul mouthed wordsmith, but I’m an honest one.

Not going to beat a fucking dead horse over this, just wanted all you fucking wonderful people out there to know that excessive cursing is not the problem, it’s the use of the word “excessive” that’s the problem.

Because, and say it with me, you can never have enough fucks!


Disclaimer: Views From The Captain’s Chair are just that: views. These are not laws. These are not set in stone. I could be totally wrong. I could be off my rocker (shut up). I could be full of S-H-I-T. I could change my mind next week. All of that is possible. Who knows? But if even just a little of this helps you then I’m happy with that. If it just makes you stop and think then I’ve done my job. Which I really need to get back to. Blogging don’t pay for the bourbon! Oh, and the whole Captain’s Chair thing? Yeah, I write in a captain’s chair. It’s true, Mateys! Got a question? Need some one on one? Shoot me an email, a DM, a PM (no BMs) or comment below.

Jake Bible lives in Asheville, NC with his wife and two kids.

Novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, Jake is able to switch between or mash-up genres with ease to create new and exciting storyscapes that have captivated and built an audience of thousands.

He is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series for Severed Press as well as the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash), Bethany and the Zombie Jesus, Stark- An Illustrated Novella, and the forthcoming YA zombie novel Little Dead Man, and Teen horror novel Intentional Haunting (both by Permuted Press).

Posted on May 14, 2014, in Views From The Captain's Chair! and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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