Jake Bible Fiction

  • New Release!

    Kaiju_Winter_ebook_coverThat’s right, folks! Kaiju Winter is here!

    What is Kaiju Winter? It’s the first novel in my The End Of The World As We Know It (TEOTWAWKI) giant monster series! That’s right, GIANT MONSTERS! Oh, and a super volcano ready to rip North America apart. And psycho militias! And crazy stalkers! Convicted murderers! US Marshals! Navy SEALs! Scientists! Delta Force! AND GIANT MONSTERS!

    Here, read the description:

    The Yellowstone super volcano has begun to erupt, sending North America into chaos and the rest of the world into panic. People are dangerous and desperate to escape the oncoming mega-eruption, knowing it will plunge the continent, and the world, into a perpetual ashen winter. But no matter how ready humanity is, nothing can prepare them for what comes out of the ash: Kaiju!

    Now, you can’t tell me that description doesn’t make you tingly and warm in your tingly and warm places. Cause if you told me that you’d be lyin’! LYIN’!

    Here, just to show the level of awesome this book has, I’ll insert another pic of the cover. But this time it will be GIANT! JUST LIKE THE MONSTERS!

    CHEERS!

    Kaiju_Winter_ebook_cover

  • Views From The Captain’s Chair! Episode Twenty-One: CON!!!

    Captains ChairBlog

    Ahoy, Mateys!

    Short post today due to deadlines, deadlines, deadlines!

    Which segues right into my reminder of last week’s post. I’m looking for guest writers! If you have an idea for a blog post on writing then let me know! You can read the original call to words here.

    This week’s post, however, is about something I’m still new to: cons.

    Just for full disclosure, I wanted the title of this post to be COOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!! You know, like a play on Wrath of Khan? Except I quickly realized it looked I was just yelling coon. Probably not the best way to make friends. Why did I share that? So you don’t make the same mistake one day. I’m just looking out for you. The more you know.

    But, on to the subject!

    Cons. Con is short for convention, if you were not aware. There are a billion of them out there put together on subjects from comic books to steampunk, pop culture to zombie culture. Scifi, horror, romance, adventure, what have you. If there is a fan base then there is a con for it.

    Which is pretty cool.

    I’ve only attended six cons, four of them local. I’m about to be an invited guest this coming weekend at ConCarolinas. Very cool. Especially since the Guest of Honor is none other than George RR Martin.  There are still Friday and Sunday tickets left, so go get some and come see me.

    Why do I do cons? To meet fans, make new fans, make new friends, see old friends, and also to network. As a writer, that is the key right there: networking.

    My first con, Horror Realm in Pittsburgh, is where I met a ton of my fellow horror authors I now call friends. It’s also how I got the idea to write Little Dead Man. Which ended up getting me my first agent and is now a Permuted Platinum title ready to be let loose on the shelves of Barnes & Noble and other bookstores come July 15th!

    Word.

    Without having gone to that con I would never have been directed towards the idea of writing a YA zombie novel. That would have meant I wouldn’t have been signed with Permuted Press and wouldn’t have been contracted to write my Middle Grade scif/horror series, ScareScapes. Or been given the chance to write my new space opera series based on the great English kings Edward I, II, and III (and the Black Prince!). One con got me all of that. After a few years of hard work, of course.

    So what will this next con bring me in terms of my career? I don’t know.

    What I do know is it will bring me expenses: gas, food, hotel, cost of books to sell at my author table (which wasn’t free, although it was very, very reasonable). Sure, I get to write it all off at the end of the year on taxes, but that money still comes out of my pocket up front. I’d probably do a lot more cons if it wasn’t for the cost.

    And that’s the balancing act: what it is worth to my career versus what it does to my bank account.

    I’d say, so far, cons have been way worth it, but I read horror stories out there of authors attending cons and the aisles were dead. Or just filled with costumed attendees that aren’t looking to buy anything and really just want to win the cosplay contest. What will ConCarolinas be like? Will I network or will I flounder and lose my shirt? Again, I don’t know.

    But I’ll make sure and document the experience for you (pics!) and let y’all know how I thought it went. I’ll get to hang with some awesome folks, take part on some cool panels, maybe sells some books and make some new fans. Who knows? Sky’s the limit!

    So be on the lookout for my post-con report! And also be sure to follow me on Facebook and Twitter so you can get the “live” reporting.

    Word.

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: Views From The Captain’s Chair are just that: views. These are not laws. These are not set in stone. I could be totally wrong. I could be off my rocker (shut up). I could be full of S-H-I-T. I could change my mind next week. All of that is possible. Who knows? But if even just a little of this helps you then I’m happy with that. If it just makes you stop and think then I’ve done my job. Which I really need to get back to. Blogging don’t pay for the bourbon! Oh, and the whole Captain’s Chair thing? Yeah, I write in a captain’s chair. It’s true, Mateys! Got a question? Need some one on one? Shoot me an email, a DM, a PM (no BMs) or comment below.

    Jake Bible lives in Asheville, NC with his wife and two kids.

    Novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, Jake is able to switch between or mash-up genres with ease to create new and exciting storyscapes that have captivated and built an audience of thousands.

    He is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series for Severed Press as well as the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash), Bethany and the Zombie Jesus, Stark- An Illustrated Novella, and the forthcoming YA zombie novel Little Dead Man (available July 15th!), and Teen horror novel Intentional Haunting (both by Permuted Press).

  • Views From The Captain’s Chair! Episode Twenty: Time Is Not On My Side

     

    Captains ChairBlogAhoy, Mateys!

    As a writer I have control over so many aspects of my job it’s incredible. I make my schedule, decide what novels I will write next, create and destroy worlds daily, have the opportunity to attend the kids’ school events, run errands, write blog posts, tweet, FB post, and all that jazz.

    Yet, even with all of that control, there is one thing, no matter how successful I end up being, that I can’t control: time.

    Time will always be finite and unrelenting. Can’t stop the clock, right?

    So, as I look at my schedule over the next three months I realize that unless I can find an extra day in the week, I won’t have the time I need for things such as a weekly blog post. Yep, gonna have to take a step back from the Captain’s Chair. Well, not really, since I write in this chair for hours a day. I’m just gonna have to gear down and go full steam ahead on novels from now until August.

    And that is where you, fearless writer, come in!

    I’m looking for guest posts!

    You have an idea, experience, gripe, insight, and/or stupid human trick? Then let me know! I’m looking for good, strapping writerly types to fill some cyberspace each and every week from now until the end of summer. Or end of winter, for you folks down under.

    Just shoot me an email at jakebiblefiction@gmail.com and let me know your post idea and when you can have it to me by. I look forward to all of the awesomeness!

    Now the parameters: I want balanced posts. If you feel the need to skewer one type of publishing or writing or idea or whatever then move along, please. I SAID MOVE ALONG! Passion is good, but closed mindedness is not. Feel free to speak your mind. I’m all about minds that speak. Just don’t be a dick. Also, and this is important, the post needs to relate to the art/biz/insanity of writing. That’s kinda key. Other than that the sky is the limit!

    So email me, bitches! Send me your wise, wise words. I’m all ears! Or eyes. Whatever…

    Cheers!

     

    Jake Bible lives in Asheville, NC with his wife and two kids.

    Novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, Jake is able to switch between or mash-up genres with ease to create new and exciting storyscapes that have captivated and built an audience of thousands.

    He is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series for Severed Press as well as the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash), Bethany and the Zombie Jesus, Stark- An Illustrated Novella, and the forthcoming YA zombie novel Little Dead Man, and Teen horror novel Intentional Haunting (both by Permuted Press).

     

     

  • Views From The Captain’s Chair! Episode Nineteen: Crying Foul

    Captains ChairBlogAhoy, Mateys!

    This week’s post is a bit blue. That means there will be naughty words. You have been warned.

    Fuck.

    Fuckety fuck fuck.

    Fuck fuck fucker fuck.

    Yep. There be fucks in these here waters.

    If you read the reviews of my novels you will quickly notice a pattern. I’m not talking about the obvious adoration of my prose and wit. No, no, I’m talking about those folks that have taken offense to my use of cursing.

    While it is fucking true that I do fucking curse a whole fuckton, it should be said that every complaint against the cursing is flat out misplaced. I’m not saying people don’t have the right to be offended. I would never say that. I’m just saying that maybe, just maybe, if you don’t like the word fuck then perhaps reading post-apocalyptic horror may not be a good idea.

    Because here’s the thing, folks: people curse in this world a lot right now. What the holy fucking hell do you think is going to fucking happen when the dead walk the mother fucking Earth?

    I write post-apoclayptic horror as well as military scifi and military thriller/adventure novels. Horror and the military. There will be fucks. Lots and lots of fucks. The military alone is known for mouths that would burn a saint’s ears. Add in some hellish nightmare situations and what do you get? Yep. Lots and lots of fucks. That’s life. That’s reality. That’s how people talk.

    Yet, I still get complaints. And I don’t understand it.

    Just the other day I was with my family, just driving along down the road like we do. Pretty sure we said fuck at least a dozen times per mile. Not to mention cock, shit, pussy, cunt licker, whore bag, douche nozzle, tits, and asshole. I can guarantee that I am forgetting some choice words.

    And that was just my family. On a normal day. In the car. Is it any wonder my characters are so profane? Write what you know, and all that jazz.

    My novels are filled with dialogue. My characters talk. Rarely is there a scene where the characters aren’t bantering back and forth about something. And if there is banter, then there is cursing. That’s how it works. Despite my name, I don’t write Christian fiction. I am not looking to elevate the art of language. I’m looking to reflect how people speak in real life then turn it up to eleven as the danger, stress, terror, fear, violence, and mayhem gets turned up to eleven as well.

    For the record, I don’t do it lightly. Every fuck is carefully placed. I wrote Dead Mech as a drabble novel. That means every single section had to be exactly 100 words. When I used the word fuck I made damn well sure it fit the scene. The dialogue had to have that perfect cadence or the words would be wasted. And when you only have 100 words per section you sure as shit don’t have room for waste.

    Of course, my YA, Teen, and Middle Grade novels don’t have the f-bomb in them. I kind of wish they did, but that’s the market. I will say that I invented a euphemism for my Middle Grade horror: fruit. It’s the catchall curse word. Noun, verb, adjective, adverb. It does it all. There is a story reason the characters all use that word, but you’ll have to fruiting wait to read the books to find out why.

    I’m not the only author out there known for a potty mouth, but I am one of the few that embraces my language and has zero intention of taking any of the criticism to heart. I will not change how my characters talk. If the character in real life would say fuck every third word then the fucking character in the fucking book sure as fuck is going to fucking say fuck every third fucking word. To do it differently would be dishonest.

    And I may be a foul mouthed wordsmith, but I’m an honest one.

    Not going to beat a fucking dead horse over this, just wanted all you fucking wonderful people out there to know that excessive cursing is not the problem, it’s the use of the word “excessive” that’s the problem.

    Because, and say it with me, you can never have enough fucks!

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: Views From The Captain’s Chair are just that: views. These are not laws. These are not set in stone. I could be totally wrong. I could be off my rocker (shut up). I could be full of S-H-I-T. I could change my mind next week. All of that is possible. Who knows? But if even just a little of this helps you then I’m happy with that. If it just makes you stop and think then I’ve done my job. Which I really need to get back to. Blogging don’t pay for the bourbon! Oh, and the whole Captain’s Chair thing? Yeah, I write in a captain’s chair. It’s true, Mateys! Got a question? Need some one on one? Shoot me an email, a DM, a PM (no BMs) or comment below.

    Jake Bible lives in Asheville, NC with his wife and two kids.

    Novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, Jake is able to switch between or mash-up genres with ease to create new and exciting storyscapes that have captivated and built an audience of thousands.

    He is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series for Severed Press as well as the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash), Bethany and the Zombie Jesus, Stark- An Illustrated Novella, and the forthcoming YA zombie novel Little Dead Man, and Teen horror novel Intentional Haunting (both by Permuted Press).

  • Views From The Captain’s Chair! Episode Eighteen: The Cult Of Argument


    Captains ChairBlog    Ahoy, Mateys!

    This is going to be a short post because I just got back from a trip with the Family and I’m pretty much brain dead. But there is something I want to talk about. And hopefully you will get where I’m coming from.

    The Cult of Argument.

    This is what the Internet (or The Mean, as I call it) has turned into. Everyone feels like they have the right and the DUTY to argue every fucking point anyone even comes close to making. It’s a freaking cult, man. A freaking cult.

    Of course, I want to specifically talk about how writers fit into this cult. So I’ll break it down into the two sub-cults that continually go after each other: The Self-Published and the Traditionally Published.

    Oh, what’s that? You have a problem with those labels? Well, would you like to argue about it?

    See what I did there? I actually have no desire to talk about these camps. I just wanted to raise the ire of some folks to prove a point.

    There are at least a dozen writers reading this all up in arms that I used the term “Self-Published”. There are another dozen up in arms because I said “Traditionally Published”. If you are in either of these dozens then take a breath and keep reading. This post is for you.

    Labels mean nothing. So don’t argue over them.

    Genres mean nothing. So don’t argue over them.

    Word counts mean nothing. So don’t argue over them.

    Writing style means nothing. So don’t argue over it.

    Story structure means nothing. So don’t argue over it.

    Length of time it takes to write a novel means nothing. So don’t argue over it.

    Who publishes you means nothing. So don’t argue over it.

    How many reviews you’ve gotten means nothing. So don’t argue over it.

    What your contract says means nothing. So don’t argue over it.

    Your Amazon Author Rating means nothing. So don’t argue over it.

    You mean nothing. So don’t argue that you do!

    Why do none of these subjects, topics, hot buttons, mean a damn thing? Because all that matters is whether the reader likes what you do.

    That’s it.

    Writers need to stop acting like they know what the fuck they are talking about. They don’t. No more than anyone else. And guess what? No one knows what the fuck they are talking about! Not me, not you, not anyone!

    Blogs are opinions, mine included. Every single article, editorial, column, whatever on Publisher’s Weekly, Huffington Post, io9, Tor.com, wherever, mean absolutely jack diddle. They are just words written by people. And people are seriously flawed.

    Stop using what you’ve read to argue with others that have different opinions, experiences, ideas, tastes, shoe sizes. Just stop.

    So you read something in HuffPo Books? Good for you! That means you are literate. It doesn’t mean you now have fuel for an argument.

    Your RSS catcher sends you every single word particle JA Konrath shoots into the aether? Excellent! Now you know how one single writer thinks and feels about his career.

    What’s that? You read that the novel is dead? Okay. Should we send flowers?

    If anyone knew what makes a writer more successful than another, or what makes one book more popular than that book over there, then publishers would hit home runs every single time. They don’t. Despite centuries at this game, publishers still have no idea what works. Neither do writers.

    So stop arguing that they do; that you do; that anyone does.

    Just have a nice discussion. Quit the hyperbole, stop the rhetoric. [Side note: I’m so making a t-shirt out of that.]

    Don’t ever say you have the answers and don’t ever say that someone else’s answer is wrong. Disagree, sure, if you must, but be nice.

    And don’t you fucking dare do that passive aggressive, reverse bully thing. You know what I’m talking about. You know who you are. I have a list of three writers I will not shake hands with if I see them in public because of that tactic. They spout BS in post after post, people disagree respectfully, then they act like they’ve been attacked and their words were twisted around. Completely ignoring the actual physical record of them sounding like douchebags only one scroll up.

    Blech.

    I digress.

    Which is my point. Things go from thoughts to emotions, from ideas to arguments in a split second. Then everyone forgets the idea and focuses on the argument. Don’t do that anymore, please.

    The next time you want to argue your point, take a step back and ask yourself, “What do I get out of this?” If your answer is, “I will bring about world peace”, or even possibly, “It keeps kittens from being mauled by space monkeys” then post away!

    But, if wanting to argue a point only gives you some smug self-satisfaction, or is only designed to hurt someone else, then please don’t do it. You may have an opinion, but who cares? Everyone has an opinion. Yours is nothing special.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for discourse. Just not argument. Leave that for the lawyers. Be a writer and contribute to the betterment of society. Be there for the reader. That’s your job.

    Okay, phew, I’m done. Post turned out longer than I thought it would. Let the inevitable arguments begin on why.

    Cheers!

     

    Disclaimer: Views From The Captain’s Chair are just that: views. These are not laws. These are not set in stone. I could be totally wrong. I could be off my rocker (shut up). I could be full of S-H-I-T. I could change my mind next week. All of that is possible. Who knows? But if even just a little of this helps you then I’m happy with that. If it just makes you stop and think then I’ve done my job. Which I really need to get back to. Blogging don’t pay for the bourbon! Oh, and the whole Captain’s Chair thing? Yeah, I write in a captain’s chair. It’s true, Mateys! Got a question? Need some one on one? Shoot me an email, a DM, a PM (no BMs) or comment below.

    Jake Bible lives in Asheville, NC with his wife and two kids.

    Novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, Jake is able to switch between or mash-up genres with ease to create new and exciting storyscapes that have captivated and built an audience of thousands.

    He is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series for Severed Press as well as the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash), Bethany and the Zombie Jesus, Stark- An Illustrated Novella, and the forthcoming YA zombie novel Little Dead Man, and Teen horror novel Intentional Haunting (both by Permuted Press).