• Howdy, folks!

    Today, as promised, I am listing the pitches for the ten novels I’d like to write and you get to vote on!

    On Monday April 8th the voting will be open, so go ahead and read these over and ponder which three you’d like to see go to the next round of voting.

    Got questions? Fire away in the comments section.

    Cheers!

    The Pitches-

    Natural Born Cyborgs
    The techno-virus used by the Three hundreds of years ago has mutated and combined with BC (biochrome) to create a generation of natural born cyborgs- part biorganic metal, part human. Society decides these Splicers, as they are called, are too dangerous to let live and rounds them up for extermination. Those not found must hide their true natures and fight for their lives. And the lives of those yet born.
    Set in the same universe as DEAD MECH, but hundreds of years after the events in the Apex Trilogy, Natural Born Cyborgs is the first in the Splicer Wars series of novels that introduce the world to the new MechPunk style of science fiction- raw, unrelenting, brutal, and shiny.

    Chrome
    Stone and Reginald are back. The two bioborgs (organic metal cyborgs with human consciousnesses) from the Apex Trilogy are now in the Mexican Empire and refusing to get along with anyone or play nice. Sucked into a world of drugs, violence, greed, and corruption, the partners, and former operatives for the Three, are pushed to their limits. Unfortunately for those pushing, Stone and Reginald have no limits. A high-action techno-thriller, Chrome continues the brutal, unrelentingly violent saga of two killers trained in the art of chaos and destruction.

    PAIN
    Day is for the Unseen. Night is for everyone else if they want to stay alive.
    But that is about to change…
    In an alien landscape, humanity is forced to live at night and only the Coffin Men travel from settlement to settlement, bringing needed supplies, information, and entertainment. Pulling their massive iron Coffins behind them –their homes, their armories, their sanctuaries- these men brave the dangers of the night and fear only the Unseen of the day. But Coffin Men are never allies. They work for themselves and protect their routes with brutal finality, many times entertaining settlements with a no-holds barred fight to the death to see which Coffin Man will keep their territory or lose it to a new challenger.
    Trained by his father, but left orphaned, Pain is known as one of the most ruthless of the Coffin Men, having raised himself from a young boy, pulling his Coffin on his own, developing the skills of a killer, trader, fighter, ambassador without help from anyone. When Pain hears whispers in his mind during his fretful daytime sleep, he realizes that the Unseen may no longer be willing to keep only to the day as they have for millennia. Something has changed. And Pain knows that if he doesn’t unite the settlements, and the Coffin Men, then humanity’s tenuous grasp on survival is over.

    Stone Cold Bastards
    What if the Dirty Dozen were a crack team of gargoyles that must defend their Sanctuary against a raving horde of demon-possessed humans that want nothing more than the destruction of the entire human race and all that is good?
    Yeah. That.
    Stone Cold Bastards is set in a world where Hell has released every last demon and most of humanity is now a puke-spewing, blue-skinned, head-spinning mess. The last hope humanity has are a rag-tag team of gargoyles, come to life and ready for battle now that the End of Days is at hand. Do the gargoyles care that humanity is being wiped out? Not really. Do they intend to go defend those that are being brutally murdered and tortured? Not so much. Will they fight to their last carved claw to keep their Sanctuary, and everyone in it, from harm? Oh, hell yes they will!
    Will they open their Sanctuary to a wandering gargoyle and the small child it says is the last hope for all? They haven’t decided yet. They’re thinking about it over bottles of whiskey. Come back tomorrow.
    Action, violence, pulpy good fun is what Stone Cold Bastards is all about!

    Big Box Blood Bath
    The world outside BigMart is gone.
    No more.
    Adios.
    Kaput.
    Those left inside cannot leave.
    Ever.
    Naturally, real estate is divided and factions are formed upon the concrete and between the massive shelves of foodstuffs and durable goods.
    It’s men versus women, children versus the aged.
    And every aisle for itself!
    A gore-filled romp of Thunderdome meets The Mist all set in a Sam’s Club-style hell.

    Instinct
    Peter Bremer is a man thrust into a world of brutal violence as he tries to help a friend escape the clutches of organized crime. Peter has never fired a gun, never held a knife outside of his kitchen, never been in a fight.
    Never killed anyone.
    But the man quickly finds out he’s good at all if it. Some might say he has an instinct for it.
    Especially the killing.
    Instinct is a non-stop thriller that puts Peter in harm’s way on every page. A race to the death, Instinct pulls zero punches and will leave you breathless as Peter Bremer discovers, and must come to terms with, his true nature.

    PoDLanD
    In The Retail States of America, the PoDs are everything. School, shopping, dining, and work are all done in the PoDs. Why go outside? Why ever leave a PoD? PoDs are life!
    But for Customer Service PoD Captain First Class Huxley Moore, the world tips upside down and Huxley finds himself, and his two other ComPoDres, flung out into the Wildz.
    Literally flung. Like their PoD was picked up and thrown out into the Wildz. Well, not really. More like a major system malfunction that activates their PoD’s escape protocols. Either way, not good.
    Now Huxley, and his ComPoDres, must drag their PoD through the Commune, the Coast, the Cascades, the Columbia, the Cartels, and the Capitol, in order to get back to the Customers they have sworn to protect and serve.
    Join Huxley in this science fiction satire as he fights his way back to his life in PoDLanD and discovers some truths along the way.

    Backyard
    “Some things insist on coming back inside, even when you’ve put them out back forever.”
    The Reardons have moved from their shattered lives in Chicago to a small, old, family farm in the rural mountains of North Carolina. They struggle to pick up the pieces after their son and daughter are killed by a drunk driver. Now an only child, eight year old Abby must cope with a father that blames himself, a mother that has checked out with booze and drugs, and a new life on a farm with a sinister past. And a deadly future.
    Backyard is a classic horror story harkening back to such greats as Ghost Story and The Shining. It tells the tale of a young girl that is for all intents and purposes on her own in an unfamiliar setting that would love nothing more than to have her join the things that live (or not) in the backyard forever.

    B.A.M.F.V.
    Sick of the pop culture bullshit, vampires decide to come out to the world and show humanity that they’re just as varied as the race they came from. But before the vampires and the humans can come to an understanding of co-existence, the fundamentalist religions of the world declare war on the bloodsuckers. Just as an alien race targets the Earth for destruction.
    Now the same religions, along with the rest of the human race, must beg the vampires to help save them from a force even more deadly than the fanged creatures of the night. Lucky for humanity, despite their variations in physicality, temperament and appetite, every single one of the bloodsuckers are Bad Ass Mother Fucking Vampires.
    It’s Underworld meets Mars Attacks! in this crazy horror/scifi mash-up that will leave the reader cringing, crying, howling with laughter, and on the edge of their seat as those that meant to drain the last drop of blood from humanity now have to save them in order to survive.

    Consume
    In America we are taught that Capitalism is the most important part of our society. There is debate about that amongst the many political and social organizations, but for Trey Bellamy there is no debate. The mighty dollar and all that it can buy is king in his book! Until one day he buys his morning latte and screams in pain. He is horrified to find a chunk of flesh missing from his lower leg. The ER says it is obviously the result of an animal attack. Trey knows it is obviously not. So when he goes to pay the ER bill, and two fingers are chomped off  his left hand before his eyes, Trey begins a quest to find answers to more than just his spending problems. From the high-rise offices of medical research mega-corporations to the dank basements of Hoodoo priests, Trey has to figure out how to navigate a culture that runs on paying for what you need and rejecting those that can’t. But can he find an answer before spending more money and is forever consumed?

  • So I announced THIS on Monday. Have a read if you haven’t already.

    All set? Cool.

    Before I put out the announcement I had a few authorial and writing pro friends take a look at my proposal. (Thank you authorial and writing pro friends!) Everyone had a few reservations and clarifications, but otherwise there has been overwhelming support and enthusiasm from my writing peers. Huzzah! Of course, everyone is watching this to see what happens. It will be interesting to see if it works or if it flails.

    Since announcing my Next Way To Publish I have had great feedback from my fans and readers. Not a ton of feedback, but enough to know I may be on the right path here. Thank you to everyone that has reached out with their two cents. Got two cents?  Then comment away below! Only have one cent? Not my problem, slacker. Get a freaking job!

    So this Friday I will put the list of novel pitches up. They shall be glorious! GLORIOUS, I SAY! Be sure to stay tuned so you can have a looksee at the ten choices I have come up with. Yes, there are ten. Many of the writers, and some of the readers, that have offered feedback have been worried that I am offering too much choice. And that is a good point.

    The prevailing theory is that too much choice will turn off fans. Too much choice and no one will want to make any choice at all. This could have some merit, but I come from a sales background and a restaurant background. Both of those industries are all about having MORE choices for customers. The theory there is that if you offer everything but the kitchen sink then the customer will go find the kitchen sink somewhere else.

    I don’t really agree or disagree with either theory.

    What I agree with is that I have ten novels I want to write and I cannot pick. (THE GLORIOUSNESS IS TOO MUCH FOR MY FEEBLE WRITER MIND!) The list I post on Friday is not a list of three novels I want to write and seven throwaways. I actually narrowed it down from more than those ten! Yikes, I say! I have notes on all ten of these novels, and many of them have opening sections written or sketched out. I would be happy to write any of the ten. Now, some are more involved than others. Some will take some extra homework on my part to make totally kick-ass. But that is to be expected. Regardless of which novel is picked it will be a novel I am fully invested in to write.

    Something I don’t really talk about in the post is what happens if the novel chosen is part of a series. Will the second novel be up in the next round? Easy answer: no. If the novel chosen is the first in a series then that tells me that the series will be successful on its own. I don’t need to worry about offering the second in the series in the next round of novel choosingness. I’ll add the second novel to my list of Glorious Things To Write Because Of The Gloriousness. It’s a real list. Trust me.

    So, there is that part.

    The other part is what if two novels are really close, almost splitting my fan base down the middle. You know, like the Blue and the Grey. The Hatfields and McCoys. Capulets and Montagues. Mounds and Almond Joy. My butt. (Get it? My butt is split down the… OK. Sorry.) Will fans be put off if the one they really want is thrown back onto the slush pile of novel pitches? Good, damn question! I’m hoping that won’t happen, but it could. And we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

    Because, and this is really what this post is about, the entire point of my new process (which you can read about here) is for everyone to have fun. Whether it’s the readers/fans that vote, or bystanders that get to laugh and point at my folly, or, as it will really happen, BASK IN MY GLORIOUSNESS, or just my little, ol’ self, I want this to be fun. I want everyone to at least get a kick out of this process. To enjoy reading and talking about the pitches. To enjoy voting and seeing which ones become the top three. To enjoy getting others to vote, and when the time comes, to pitch in and fund the novel voted for. To do a shot every time I link to the original post here. DRINK!

    I want us all to have a good time. I sure plan to.

    There will be more posts, random thoughts, updates, podcast posts (yes, folks, I will record the pitches and probably some of the updates and posts I write here in STEREO), and general merriness. (By merriness I mean drunkenness. But you figured that out. DRINK! Don’t argue. DRINK! I get to change the rules of the drinking game anytime I want. MY POST!)

    Because, if it does fail, and I don’t get the novel funded, then at the very, very least we all had a good time trying.

    And if you aren’t having a good time then what’s the point, right?

    Well, other than to BASK IN MY GLORIOUSNESS!

    Cheers.

    Oh, and read this.

    DRINK!

  • Here we are once more, my friends. Friday. Night. Drabble. Party.

    You ready to rock some 100 words? I know you are!

    As always, feel free to join in by adding your 100 words worth of goodness in the comments below. Time to get your drabble on!

    Enjoy!

    Oh, and wait, just a heads up that starting March 30th the Party will be put on hold. Why? Oh, you’ll see. I have a big announcement to make on Monday and Fridays will be taken up for at least the month of April with other goodness. You’ll dig, I’m sure.

    Cheers!

    ***

    They Said

    By

    Jake Bible

    Her breath came in ragged gasps as she struggled to keep moving, trying to doge the shards of broken glass that littered the floor and tortured her bare feet. She knew if she could just get out of the labyrinthine old building she would be safe. But she had been running, walking, staggering for what seemed like hours.

    “It’s not haunted, they said,” she whispered to herself, terror pushing her to the edge of madness. “It’ll be fun, they said.”

    “But they died,” a voice growled behind her.

    “Yes, they did,” she sighed, ready for the cut of the blade.

    ***

  • Oh, how the sun revolves around the earth… Wait, strike that, reverse.

    That means another week is down and it’s time for Friday Night Drabble Party!

    Thanks to those that have participated. And a special thanks to those that have been so supportive in my decision to leave podcasting. Y’all rock!

    I have a blog post and a couple of interviews posted. Go back and have a read/listen if you are so inclined and don’t know what’s going on with my walking away from the mic.

    But, for now, enjoy the drabble and feel free to add your part to it in the comments section.

    Cheers!

    ***

    The Coffin Man

    By

    Jake Bible

    The Coffin Man looked at the boy. The boy looked back.

    “Where are your parents?” the Coffin Man asked.

    “Dead,” the boy replied through his tears.

    “You want to come with me?”

    “You? Where?”

    “Wherever I’m needed,” the Coffin Man replied, patting the top of his massive iron box, an oblong monstrosity that he was harnessed to and had to pull from town to town.

    “To be a Coffin Man?” the boy asked.

    “Depends.”

    “On what?”

    “Whether you live,” the Coffin Man nodded towards the lightening sky. “The Unseen will be awake soon.”

    The boy didn’t hesitate and climbed on.

    ***

  • My nemesis Mr. Paul E. Cooley has interviewed me about my decision to leave podcasting.

    Feel free to have a listen, but your earholes won’t be the same, I assure you.

    Cheers!

    Interviewed by my nemesis!