Jake Bible Fiction

  • Views From The Captain’s Chair! Episode Twenty-One: CON!!!

    Captains ChairBlog

    Ahoy, Mateys!

    Short post today due to deadlines, deadlines, deadlines!

    Which segues right into my reminder of last week’s post. I’m looking for guest writers! If you have an idea for a blog post on writing then let me know! You can read the original call to words here.

    This week’s post, however, is about something I’m still new to: cons.

    Just for full disclosure, I wanted the title of this post to be COOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!! You know, like a play on Wrath of Khan? Except I quickly realized it looked I was just yelling coon. Probably not the best way to make friends. Why did I share that? So you don’t make the same mistake one day. I’m just looking out for you. The more you know.

    But, on to the subject!

    Cons. Con is short for convention, if you were not aware. There are a billion of them out there put together on subjects from comic books to steampunk, pop culture to zombie culture. Scifi, horror, romance, adventure, what have you. If there is a fan base then there is a con for it.

    Which is pretty cool.

    I’ve only attended six cons, four of them local. I’m about to be an invited guest this coming weekend at ConCarolinas. Very cool. Especially since the Guest of Honor is none other than George RR Martin.  There are still Friday and Sunday tickets left, so go get some and come see me.

    Why do I do cons? To meet fans, make new fans, make new friends, see old friends, and also to network. As a writer, that is the key right there: networking.

    My first con, Horror Realm in Pittsburgh, is where I met a ton of my fellow horror authors I now call friends. It’s also how I got the idea to write Little Dead Man. Which ended up getting me my first agent and is now a Permuted Platinum title ready to be let loose on the shelves of Barnes & Noble and other bookstores come July 15th!

    Word.

    Without having gone to that con I would never have been directed towards the idea of writing a YA zombie novel. That would have meant I wouldn’t have been signed with Permuted Press and wouldn’t have been contracted to write my Middle Grade scif/horror series, ScareScapes. Or been given the chance to write my new space opera series based on the great English kings Edward I, II, and III (and the Black Prince!). One con got me all of that. After a few years of hard work, of course.

    So what will this next con bring me in terms of my career? I don’t know.

    What I do know is it will bring me expenses: gas, food, hotel, cost of books to sell at my author table (which wasn’t free, although it was very, very reasonable). Sure, I get to write it all off at the end of the year on taxes, but that money still comes out of my pocket up front. I’d probably do a lot more cons if it wasn’t for the cost.

    And that’s the balancing act: what it is worth to my career versus what it does to my bank account.

    I’d say, so far, cons have been way worth it, but I read horror stories out there of authors attending cons and the aisles were dead. Or just filled with costumed attendees that aren’t looking to buy anything and really just want to win the cosplay contest. What will ConCarolinas be like? Will I network or will I flounder and lose my shirt? Again, I don’t know.

    But I’ll make sure and document the experience for you (pics!) and let y’all know how I thought it went. I’ll get to hang with some awesome folks, take part on some cool panels, maybe sells some books and make some new fans. Who knows? Sky’s the limit!

    So be on the lookout for my post-con report! And also be sure to follow me on Facebook and Twitter so you can get the “live” reporting.

    Word.

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: Views From The Captain’s Chair are just that: views. These are not laws. These are not set in stone. I could be totally wrong. I could be off my rocker (shut up). I could be full of S-H-I-T. I could change my mind next week. All of that is possible. Who knows? But if even just a little of this helps you then I’m happy with that. If it just makes you stop and think then I’ve done my job. Which I really need to get back to. Blogging don’t pay for the bourbon! Oh, and the whole Captain’s Chair thing? Yeah, I write in a captain’s chair. It’s true, Mateys! Got a question? Need some one on one? Shoot me an email, a DM, a PM (no BMs) or comment below.

    Jake Bible lives in Asheville, NC with his wife and two kids.

    Novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, Jake is able to switch between or mash-up genres with ease to create new and exciting storyscapes that have captivated and built an audience of thousands.

    He is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series for Severed Press as well as the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash), Bethany and the Zombie Jesus, Stark- An Illustrated Novella, and the forthcoming YA zombie novel Little Dead Man (available July 15th!), and Teen horror novel Intentional Haunting (both by Permuted Press).

  • Friday Night Drabble Party!

    Heeeeeelllllllllooooooooooo, Friday! Time to get our Drabble Party on!

    Free micro-fiction for you and me, baby! Ahhhhhhh, yeah!

    But, before we get into the drabbletasticness, let’s talk about Little Dead Man!

    That’s right, I have a new novel out! This one is by Permuted Press and is my YA debut. I kid you not, folks, it is Jake Bible goodness for the WHOLE family (if your family is 12 and up)! If you love my novels then you’ll love this one!

    What’s it about? Have a read:

    LDM Cover

    Decades after the zombie apocalypse, seventeen year old Garret Weir just wants to be a normal teenager. As if dealing with the zombies isn’t hard enough, his annoying twin brother refuses to leave him in peace. And it’s not like Garret can just go to his room and shut the door to get away. His brother Garth is a zombie and conjoined to the top of Garret’s spine. Good times.

    Forced from his hidden, mountain compound, Garret must learn who to trust and who to fear as he and Garth are thrust into a world more horrific than anything they could imagine. Fighting for their lives in a foreign landscape, the brothers head north to find their father who may have the answer to the deadly virus that caused the zombie apocalypse. Along their way they meet new friends, learn betrayal the hard way, fight for their mother’s life, run from deadly enemies, and discover that life may have seemed difficult before, but can always get a whole lot worse.

    A fast-paced, high-action novel that doesn’t pull any punches, Little Dead Man is a surprisingly sweet story of two brothers – one living, one undead – that struggle with a mother that is mentally unstable, a missing father that has kept too many secrets, and a lie their parents have always told – that they are the last survivors on Earth. When the truth of that lie is revealed, Garret and Garth quickly find out that having other survivors in the world isn’t exactly a good thing. In fact, it’s quite deadly.

    What do you think? Crazy cool, right? Right. What’s that? You’d rather have the print version? Well, that will be available very soon! July 15th, in fact! Feel free to pre-order that puppy by clicking on teh same link and choosing the paperback option!

    Now, on to our drabble!

    Enjoy!

    ***

    Coin Flips, Man
    By
    Jake Bible

    Two doors.

    A choice.

    “One could be my girlfriend, right?” the young man asked.

    “Yes,” the Council above the pit replied as one.

    “And one is, like, what? A man-eating tiger? Those still exist? I thought with deforestation and crap there, like, weren’t any man-eating tigers left?”

    “Choose!” the Council shouted.

    “Jeez, chill, bras. This isn’t easy.”

    He stood there facing the two doors and frowned.

    “Anyone have a coin I could flip? Doesn’t have to be a quarter. Nickel will totally do.”

    “Carl!” a woman’s voice rang out from behind one door. “Just pick a fucking door!”

    ***

    Cheers!

    GO BUY LITTLE DEAD MAN! DO IT!

    Disclaimer: BUY LITTLE DEAD MAN!

  • Views From The Captain’s Chair! Episode Twenty: Time Is Not On My Side

     

    Captains ChairBlogAhoy, Mateys!

    As a writer I have control over so many aspects of my job it’s incredible. I make my schedule, decide what novels I will write next, create and destroy worlds daily, have the opportunity to attend the kids’ school events, run errands, write blog posts, tweet, FB post, and all that jazz.

    Yet, even with all of that control, there is one thing, no matter how successful I end up being, that I can’t control: time.

    Time will always be finite and unrelenting. Can’t stop the clock, right?

    So, as I look at my schedule over the next three months I realize that unless I can find an extra day in the week, I won’t have the time I need for things such as a weekly blog post. Yep, gonna have to take a step back from the Captain’s Chair. Well, not really, since I write in this chair for hours a day. I’m just gonna have to gear down and go full steam ahead on novels from now until August.

    And that is where you, fearless writer, come in!

    I’m looking for guest posts!

    You have an idea, experience, gripe, insight, and/or stupid human trick? Then let me know! I’m looking for good, strapping writerly types to fill some cyberspace each and every week from now until the end of summer. Or end of winter, for you folks down under.

    Just shoot me an email at jakebiblefiction@gmail.com and let me know your post idea and when you can have it to me by. I look forward to all of the awesomeness!

    Now the parameters: I want balanced posts. If you feel the need to skewer one type of publishing or writing or idea or whatever then move along, please. I SAID MOVE ALONG! Passion is good, but closed mindedness is not. Feel free to speak your mind. I’m all about minds that speak. Just don’t be a dick. Also, and this is important, the post needs to relate to the art/biz/insanity of writing. That’s kinda key. Other than that the sky is the limit!

    So email me, bitches! Send me your wise, wise words. I’m all ears! Or eyes. Whatever…

    Cheers!

     

    Jake Bible lives in Asheville, NC with his wife and two kids.

    Novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, Jake is able to switch between or mash-up genres with ease to create new and exciting storyscapes that have captivated and built an audience of thousands.

    He is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series for Severed Press as well as the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash), Bethany and the Zombie Jesus, Stark- An Illustrated Novella, and the forthcoming YA zombie novel Little Dead Man, and Teen horror novel Intentional Haunting (both by Permuted Press).

     

     

  • Friday Night Drabble Party!

    Hey there! Have you heard the good news? There’s a Drabble Party going on!

    And not just that, but there also be books and shit!

    There’s the Mega audiobook! The Mega 2: Baja Blood novel! And Z-Burbia is on sale for only a couple more hours at $.99! Click a pic below and get you some goodness!

    Mega_audiobookMega2_ebook_coverZburbia_ebook_cover

     

     

     

     

     

    Now on to the drabble!

    Enjoy!

    ***

    DripBANG!

    By

    Jake Bible

     

    Each drip of blood sounded like cannon shot as it hit the granite floor. DripBANG! DripBANG! DripBANG!

    But Lola wasn’t paying attention to the blood; there was so much of it that she’d forgotten it was even there. She let the sword clatter to the floor –clangclackspluch– and limped her way to the old stairs.

    So many steps. Lola could barely hold her head up, let alone find the strength to climb stairs.

    When they found her halfway up, it was said she looked like a sleeping babe, newly birthed and covered in mother’s blood.

    But it wasn’t mother’s blood…

    ***

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: Watch that first step! It’s a doozy!

  • Views From The Captain’s Chair! Episode Nineteen: Crying Foul

    Captains ChairBlogAhoy, Mateys!

    This week’s post is a bit blue. That means there will be naughty words. You have been warned.

    Fuck.

    Fuckety fuck fuck.

    Fuck fuck fucker fuck.

    Yep. There be fucks in these here waters.

    If you read the reviews of my novels you will quickly notice a pattern. I’m not talking about the obvious adoration of my prose and wit. No, no, I’m talking about those folks that have taken offense to my use of cursing.

    While it is fucking true that I do fucking curse a whole fuckton, it should be said that every complaint against the cursing is flat out misplaced. I’m not saying people don’t have the right to be offended. I would never say that. I’m just saying that maybe, just maybe, if you don’t like the word fuck then perhaps reading post-apocalyptic horror may not be a good idea.

    Because here’s the thing, folks: people curse in this world a lot right now. What the holy fucking hell do you think is going to fucking happen when the dead walk the mother fucking Earth?

    I write post-apoclayptic horror as well as military scifi and military thriller/adventure novels. Horror and the military. There will be fucks. Lots and lots of fucks. The military alone is known for mouths that would burn a saint’s ears. Add in some hellish nightmare situations and what do you get? Yep. Lots and lots of fucks. That’s life. That’s reality. That’s how people talk.

    Yet, I still get complaints. And I don’t understand it.

    Just the other day I was with my family, just driving along down the road like we do. Pretty sure we said fuck at least a dozen times per mile. Not to mention cock, shit, pussy, cunt licker, whore bag, douche nozzle, tits, and asshole. I can guarantee that I am forgetting some choice words.

    And that was just my family. On a normal day. In the car. Is it any wonder my characters are so profane? Write what you know, and all that jazz.

    My novels are filled with dialogue. My characters talk. Rarely is there a scene where the characters aren’t bantering back and forth about something. And if there is banter, then there is cursing. That’s how it works. Despite my name, I don’t write Christian fiction. I am not looking to elevate the art of language. I’m looking to reflect how people speak in real life then turn it up to eleven as the danger, stress, terror, fear, violence, and mayhem gets turned up to eleven as well.

    For the record, I don’t do it lightly. Every fuck is carefully placed. I wrote Dead Mech as a drabble novel. That means every single section had to be exactly 100 words. When I used the word fuck I made damn well sure it fit the scene. The dialogue had to have that perfect cadence or the words would be wasted. And when you only have 100 words per section you sure as shit don’t have room for waste.

    Of course, my YA, Teen, and Middle Grade novels don’t have the f-bomb in them. I kind of wish they did, but that’s the market. I will say that I invented a euphemism for my Middle Grade horror: fruit. It’s the catchall curse word. Noun, verb, adjective, adverb. It does it all. There is a story reason the characters all use that word, but you’ll have to fruiting wait to read the books to find out why.

    I’m not the only author out there known for a potty mouth, but I am one of the few that embraces my language and has zero intention of taking any of the criticism to heart. I will not change how my characters talk. If the character in real life would say fuck every third word then the fucking character in the fucking book sure as fuck is going to fucking say fuck every third fucking word. To do it differently would be dishonest.

    And I may be a foul mouthed wordsmith, but I’m an honest one.

    Not going to beat a fucking dead horse over this, just wanted all you fucking wonderful people out there to know that excessive cursing is not the problem, it’s the use of the word “excessive” that’s the problem.

    Because, and say it with me, you can never have enough fucks!

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: Views From The Captain’s Chair are just that: views. These are not laws. These are not set in stone. I could be totally wrong. I could be off my rocker (shut up). I could be full of S-H-I-T. I could change my mind next week. All of that is possible. Who knows? But if even just a little of this helps you then I’m happy with that. If it just makes you stop and think then I’ve done my job. Which I really need to get back to. Blogging don’t pay for the bourbon! Oh, and the whole Captain’s Chair thing? Yeah, I write in a captain’s chair. It’s true, Mateys! Got a question? Need some one on one? Shoot me an email, a DM, a PM (no BMs) or comment below.

    Jake Bible lives in Asheville, NC with his wife and two kids.

    Novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, Jake is able to switch between or mash-up genres with ease to create new and exciting storyscapes that have captivated and built an audience of thousands.

    He is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series for Severed Press as well as the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash), Bethany and the Zombie Jesus, Stark- An Illustrated Novella, and the forthcoming YA zombie novel Little Dead Man, and Teen horror novel Intentional Haunting (both by Permuted Press).