Jake Bible Fiction

  • Works In Progress

    I used Grammarly to grammar check this post because well, let’s face it folks, I have the proofreading skills of a blind second grader. Not that I have anything against blind second graders. I don’t. They actually could be respectful proofreaders. I mean, maybe it’s easier to edit using Braille, how do I know? Ok, I’ll stop now. I probably have a thousand pissed off blind second graders obliterating me on Reddit. But why would second graders be on Reddit? That’s just bad parenting! I can now blame their parents for my poor proofreading skills. What? Oh, right, I’ll stop…

    So, as you can see above, this blog post has a sponsor. Check out Grammarly when you get a chance. I’ll be playing with the free trial and see how it works. Why am I doing this? Well, because, as the title of this post says, I have works in progress.

    First off, I have a couple episodes of Big Box Blood Bath that I need to proof before I start releasing that as a serial. Will I have them professionally edited? No. WHAT? I know, I know, bad form for self-publishing. But, hey, it’s a serial. I will use Grammarly to proofread after I do my just a step above a blind second grader run through. But the episodes are short enough that I am confident in my line editing skills. And the tone and voice of the story is free flowing, so I think I’d just confuse an editor. I know, it’s a bold choice that could blow up in my face. But, and here is the big reason, editing costs $$$. Serious $$$. And I do not have serious $$$. I have serious amounts of *%#@, but not $$$.

    Them’s is the facts. Dollars be tight for this writer.

    Which brings me to another work in progress: Natural Born Cyborgs. Not sure what that is? Have a read here. To start, I am pretty sure that the name of the novel will change, so let’s call Natural Born Cyborgs a working title. Nothing wrong with that. As of today the project is between 15%-20% funded. It’s a little disappointing, but that’s life. It is Summer and people are vacationing and spending their hard earned dollars on things like gas. And gas. And gas. Maybe come Fall time, when they are back in the usual routine, and not spending all their money on gas so they can see the World’s Largest Ball of Rubber Cement Boogers, more funding will come in. Maybe not.

    I’m in no hurry. But, let me say this, I do have some seriously amazing notes on this novel. When I mention in the description that this will introduce the world to MechPunk, I mean it. Seriously. When I’m done with this thing, mechs will be the new zombies. Despite Pacific Rim bombing at the US box office. This shit is gonna rock! So, folks, the sooner it gets funded the sooner I start writing. Because until I have the $$$ to publish the novel correctly (that DOES mean editing, proofreading, cover design, etc) then it stays a work in progress.

    Ok, then what am I doing now? Well, I am working on a manuscript I had set aside. In fact, I had set three different versions aside. I’m not going to say what it is except it could be classified as “Urban Fantasy”. But fuck that classification. This novel is not about vampires kissing werewolves and having little chupacabra babies. No fucking way. This novel is noirish and profane. Like really profane. I ain’t fucking you sideways when I say the profanity levels in this novel have hit eleven. Hell, the profanity has fucked eleven and left it on the doorstep without cab fare. That’s profane. And I’m having a blast writing it. Want a taste? If enough people ask, in the comments below, then I’ll post an excerpt.

    Then what? Well, I have gotten terrific feedback on the script of the first issue of the DEAD MECH comic book. I’m making some tweaks and then will start on the next few issues. After that? I hunt down an artist, tranquilize them, put them in a small room with a bag of dry Quinoa and a chamber pot and put them to work! From what I hear it’s better accommodations than DC offers. ZINGER!

    Oh, and if you are a comic book artist (rookies welcome) then give me a shout. Let’s see what we can work out.

    Speaking of DEAD MECH, have you seen the re-release by Severed Press? No? Then have a peek here. The rest of the Apex Trilogy will be out shortly. Want to see mock-ups of the covers? Comments, people, comments. Participation is a two way street.

    Is that all for works in progress? Hardly. I have tons more going on, but none of it solid enough to post about. Don’t worry, I’ll give you the scoop of poop later. YOU SHALL BE INFORMED! Sorry I yelled. Coffee just kicked in.

    Have questions? Thoughts? Recipes for kickass opossum fajitas? Then comment away below! Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

    PS- I ran this post through Grammarly and apparently I have the grammar skills of leftover opossum fajitas. Who knew?

  • Of Mechs And Zombies- Why Having Fun Is The Most Important Thing Ever In The History Of Things That Are Important

    Warning: Profanity ahead! Don’t read this to your kids. If you are a kid, don’t read it (which means you will). If you are a parent and don’t like your kids reading profanity then stop wasting time here, Goodie Smith, and get back to your witch burning. Sheesh.

    Monday night I hit a double feature of Pacific Rim and then World War Z. The bliss, oh, the sweet, sweet bliss.

    Before we go into the movies, you should read this post of mine from a few weeks back It’s Okay To Have Fun Just Because!

    All done? Good. Now you get where I’m coming from as you read this.

    There have been plenty of people smarter than me that have reviewed/examined Pacific Rim. Find them, read them, stalk them. No, no, don’t stalk them. (Stalk them…) I’m not going to go in depth about the story or characters or plot or blah-blah-blah. No point.

    Why? Because Pacific Rim is just plain fun! I don’t care about the holes in the science (there are plenty). I don’t care about some of the cardboard characters (cardboard is a necessary part of life or pizzas would be delivered on the bare backs of zit covered teen slaves. Or something like that…). I won’t go into the fact that- OH, IT’S JUST FUCKING FUN! FUN, FUN, FUN!

    HUGE, GIANT, MASSIVE ROBOTS FIGHT HUGE, GIANT MASSIVE MONSTERS THAT COME OUT OF A CRACK IN THE OCEAN! FUCK PLOT! FUCK CHARACTERS! FUCK CARDBOARD (Hello? Yes, I need a large cheese with extra cheese and a side of melted extra cheese)! I could give two shits and a titty fuck (which is the Papa John’s Friday night special, by the way) about blah-blah-blah when HUGE, GIANT, MASSIVE ROBOTS FIGHT HUGE, GIANT MASSIVE MONSTERS THAT COME OUT OF A CRACK IN THE OCEAN!

    That’s why you should go see the movie. That’s my endorsement. It looks awesome, the acting is great, it’s funny (Charlie Day and Ron Perlman. Nuff said) and HUGE, GIANT, MASSIVE ROBOTS FIGHT HUGE, GIANT MASSIVE MONSTERS THAT COME OUT OF A CRACK IN THE OCEAN!

    I mean, come on, that’s why I wrote DEAD MECH. I wanted to write a fun novel where massive battle robots crush zombies and where zombies pilot massive battle robots and crush people. Then eat them. I wasn’t going for Crime and Punishment, y’all. I was going for what I thought was fun and hoped others would think the same thing.

    Good shit, yo.

    Now, to switch gears and move to World War Z. It is not the same as the novel. In fact, only the title is the same. That’s it. But, who cares? It’s a great movie! And, AND, it’s not an action movie!

    Whoa… What did he just say?

    I SAID, it’s not an action movie. Yes, there is a ton of action. Yes, there are Navy Seals and Special Forces and Israeli paramilitary troops and zombies go SUPER FUCKING FAST and climb shit and mow people down like a Black Friday sale at Wal-Mart, but it is not an action movie.

    Why? Because the main character is not an action hero. He’s a thinker. He’s a guy dropped into the middle of hell because he is an investigator. He uses guns at times, even tosses a couple grenades, but that’s because it’s the SMART thing to do, not because he needs to go all BANG-BANG, SPLOOSHY ZOMBIE HEAD DIE BITCHES DIE ONE LINER HERE WE COME. Not because of that. No, he observes the insanity and is able to pierce the fear and chaos to find the answers needed to stop the zombie hordes. That’s good shit.

    Don’t like Brad Pit? Then don’t go see the movie because he’s in almost every single frame. And he does a great job. I believed his character. I believed his motivation. I believed he would do whatever it took to get the answers. So, I guess he is an action hero OF THE MIND!

    World War Z has plenty of scares, plenty of gore, and sweet, sweet zombie action. If you like zombie movies then go see this one. It is not a re-hash of everything else. It’s more like if you dropped Brad Pit into a smart BBC crime drama and gave it a $200 million dollar budget. That’s my kinda zombie flick. And it is still very fun!

    That’s my two cents on a couple of blockbusters out there right now. If you can, go see them both. Preferably back to back. You’ll get your peanut butter and then your chocolate and then you will be all, “Peanut butter. Nomnomnom. Chocolate. Nomnomnom.” Or something like that…

    Cheers!

  • Friday Night Drabble Party!

    And the Drabble Party is back! Had to take a week off last week due to family visit, but tonight you get your free 100 word fix!

    And that’s not all! After the drabble is Team Long Shot’s 48 Hour Film Project “Not Again”. We won Audience Award- Group A and also Best Editing. Huzzah! It was a blast and a HUGE thank you to all of our supporters!

    Enjoy!

    ***

    Fighting The Future Ignorance
    By
    Jake Bible

    Gagging, drowning, feeling the weight of the world as the jet of water streams up his nose, pounding his sinuses, choking his throat. He spins about and ducks his head, but is met with the end of a nightclub, nightstick, billyclub, baton, violence in a wicked grip.

    He doesn’t give up; none of them do. They fight on, moving forward, moving to truth, moving to reality that is only a few concrete steps away.

    The child, the children, cry out as the beatings continue; the water hoses continue; the mad dogs attack; they don’t stop.

    The library is so close.

    ***

    And now….

    Disclaimer:  I make no claims. Deal.

  • Friday Night Drabble Party pre-empted by…

    No Party tonight due to the holiday weekend.

    But if you need free drabble fiction then try this out here One Foggy Night: A DEAD MECH Prequel Short

    Or watch this fun film here:

    Cheers!

  • DEAD MECH and the Apex Trilogy

    Many of you may know, but many more may not, that Severed Press has picked up the entire Apex Trilogy!

    They will be re-releasing DEAD MECH, The Americans, and Metal and Ash this summer. The ebook for DEAD MECH should be up for sale by this weekend (July 5th), with the others following soon. The print books take a little longer due to formatting, printing, etc. But ebooks, yay!

    And I get to show you the new cover for DEAD MECH:

    DEADMECH9x6

    I posted it super big so you could see the coolness. Now, I am a HUGE fan of the original cover, but when switching to Severed we needed to make sure to differentiate between the two releases. That means if you have the original it is now a collectors’ item! Um, if there are collectors out that collect my stuff. Sure there are!

    How is this version different? Everything is the same except for some serious line edits and proofreading. Not that the first one was a jumbled mess of Esperanto, but the editing (while professional) wasn’t tight. This manuscript is tight. TIGHT! The same treatment will be given to The Americans and Metal and Ash.

    So be on the lookout for the announcement of the re-release of DEAD MECH! Spread the word, get a copy with the new cover, tell your friends, buy fifty paperbacks and chuck them at strangers while screaming, “Eat that, deader scum!”. Or something along those lines.

    I will keep you posted as it all progresses to glory! GLORY!

    Cheers!