Jake Bible Fiction

  • Friday Night Drabble Party!

    YO! It’s Friday Night! There be a Drabble in this Party!

    Not only is there a drabble, but there’s a link to the newly released Mega 3: When Giants Collide! Let’s see that beautiful bean footage!

    Mega-3-ebook-coverYeah, baby! Ain’t that pretty! Feel free to clickety clik that pic and go get ya some Team Grendel! Hooyah!

    Now, on to the drabble!

    Enjoy!

    ***

    Pitiful Creature

    By

    Jake Bible

    “The interesting thing is how the creature reacts to various stimuli,” Dr. Roberts said. “Observe.”

    The doctor threw a lit bag of feces into the cage.

    “Dude!” the creature shouted. “What the hell, man? Is that poo? Why the hell are you throwing flaming poo at me?”

    “It has become irritated,” Dr. Roberts observed. “It uses it’s primitive language to express that irritation.”

    “Irritation? Dude, I’m pissed! That’s gross!” the creature exclaimed.

    “Now, let’s see how it reacts when we expose it to raw uranium,” Dr. Roberts said.

    “What? DUDE! NO URANIUM!”

    “Pitiful,” one of the observers said. “So pitiful.”

    ***

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: NO URANIUM!

     

  • Halloween Night Drabble Party!

    O! M! G! It’s Halloween AND the Friday Night Drabble Party!

    Got to calm down, got to calm down, got to- HALLOWEEN! I love it, I love it, I love it!

    Know what else I love? Dead Mech on sale for $.99! (Segue for the mofo win, yo!) If you haven’t read my zombies/mechs/zombies in mechs mash-up then go spend a dollar and get you some seriously fun post-apocalyptic goodness! Clicky linky here!

    Oooh, wait, there’s more! And this novel is actually Halloween themed! Be sure and check out Intentional Haunting, my latest release. It’s Teen horror, so kinda a mix of John Green and Stephen King in that classic Jake Bible style y’all love so much! Clicky another linky here!

    Now, how’s about we get on with the Halloween drabble?

    Enjoy!

    ***

    The Darkness Thirsts

    By

    Jake Bible

    “I SUMMON THEE, SATAN! SHOW ME YOUR DARK MAJESTY! GRACE US WITH YOUR EVIL PRESENCE!”

    “Who dares summon me?” the Devil asked as he appeared in a puff of smoke in the center of the abandoned church.

    “It is I, Master!” the man in the robes replied. “Your humble servant and-.”

    “Sweet. Get me a latte from Starbucks, servant. Whole milk, two shots of vanilla. No cinnamon or nutmeg. NO CINNAMON OR NUTMEG!”

    “Uh…uh…yes, Master.”

    “God, I love Halloween,” the Devil sighed as the robed man hurried from the church and out to his Prius. “Free lattes rock.”

    ***

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: If the Devil asks you to get him a latte, don’t get the two shots of vanilla. The guy is diabetic and in denial. Don’t be an enabler.

  • Friday Night Drabble Party!

    Another Friday is upon us! LET THERE BE DRABBLE!

    Howdy!

    Sooooooo, how’s your week been? Mmm-hmm… Right… Really? With Kevin? You don’t say… Oh, now that’s just lazy.

    Anyhoo, my week has been good. I’ve been writing the hell out of Reign of Four: III. That medieval space fiction is some fun stuff! Y’all are gonna dig it when it comes out next year!

    Know what else you’re gonna dig? A drabble!

    Let’s get to it!

    Enjoy!

    Exclamation points!

    ***

     

    Not In A Row

    By

    Jake Bible

     

    “I just sign?” Victor asked.

    “On the dotted line, baby,” Mr. Hob grinned. “Then you get to live a million days.”

    “No tricks, right?” Victor frowned.

    Mr. Hob snapped his fingers. “Nope.”

    Victor hesitated then pierced his fingertip and signed.

    “There,” Victor smiled. “Done!”

    He stood there for a second then grabbed his chest and collapsed.

    “What…?” Victor gasped.

    “Right,” Mr. Hob smiled. “I never said the days would be in a row. Hopefully you wake up before they bury you.”

    Mr. Hob walked off, a skip in his step, a whistle on his lips, another soul in his pocket.

    ***

     

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: Don’t go down to the crossroads and try to flag a ride.

  • Friday Night Drabble Party!

    Welcome back! Come in, come in. Make yourselves comfortable while I inflict upon you another Halloween themed Drabble!

    But, before I do, I want to weigh in on the Permuted Press hijinks going on: don’t believe the rumors and BS being spread. Just don’t. I’ll have a full blog post addressing this issue on Monday, so stay tuned.

    Now, on to tonight’s drabble!

    Enjoy!

     

    ***

    Then Please Stay

    By

    Jake Bible

    “The pumpkins screamed, man!” Horace shouted as he backed away from the front porch. “The damn things screamed when I tried to pick them up!”

    “Dude, that’s the sound effects from across the street,” Bart frowned.

    “You kids! Get away from my pumpkins!” the old woman screeched as she pushed open the screen door. “Go!”

    “Help us!” three of the carved pumpkins screamed. “Help us!”

    “Unless you want to join them,” the old woman sneered at the teenagers. “Then please stay.”

    “Dude!” Bart said as he grabbed Horace’s arm. “We’re gone!”

    “Told ya!” Horace cried as they turned and ran.

    ***

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: Quit while you’re ahead, kids. Sometimes being too old to trick or treat is a good thing.

  • Friday Night Drabble Party!

    Another Friday means another Drabble Party!

    And, as promised, all the October drabbles will be Halloween themed!

    Speaking of Halloween, I know you’ll be busy on the 31st, but for those of you that don’t have plans on the 30th, you should come to Malaprop’s Bookstore here in Asheville, NC and see me read and sign Little Dead Man!  There’ll be candy! And raffles for a chance to win the Ultimate Halloween Basket and a chance at Jake Bible novels for life! Gonna be a blast!

    Would love to see ya there!

    Now, on to the drabble!

    Enjoy!

    ***

    More Than Apples

    By

    Jake Bible

     

    The apples floated in the tub, their skins striated with streaks of red and pink and yellow.

    The apples bobbed up and down, up and down, as the tub was jostled this way and that.

    The apples slammed to the bottom of the tub as the head was dunked.

    The apples rolled about the head and came back up, ready to bob, bob, bob some more.

    The apples were lost in the tub once the blood began to pour, lost in a small pool of deep crimson.

    The apples were no longer all that floated and bobbed in the tub.

    ***

    Cheers!

    Disclaimer: Bobbing for apples is gross, people. Just gross. Don’t do it.